Following are six behaviors that increase self-esteem, enhance your self-confidence, and spur your motivation. You may recognize some of them as things you naturally do in your interactions with other people. But if you don’t, I suggest you motivate yourself to take some of these important steps immediately.

First, greet others with a smile and look them directly in the eye.

A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence born of self-respect. In the same way, answer the phone pleasantly whether at work or at home, and when placing a call, give your name before asking to speak to the party you want to reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with self-respect is making the call.

Second, always show real appreciation for a gift or complement.

Don’t downplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid self-esteem.

Third, don’t brag.

It’s almost a paradox that genuine modesty is actually part of the capacity to gracefully receive compliments. People who brag about their own exploits or demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in the eyes of others — and that’s because they don’t perceive themselves as already worthy of respect.

Fourth, don’t make your problems the centerpiece of your conversation.

Talk positively about your life and the progress you’re trying to make. Be aware of any negative thinking, and take notice of how often you complain. When you hear yourself criticize someone — and this includes self-criticism — find a way to be helpful instead of critical.

Fifth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by increasing your level of productive activity.

When your self-esteem is being challenged, don’t sit around and fall victim to “paralysis by analysis.” The late Malcolm Forbes said, “Vehicles in motion use their generators to charge their own batteries. Unless you happen to be a golf cart, you can’t recharge your battery when you’re parked in the garage!”

Sixth, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn.

View a failure as the conclusion of one performance, not the end of your entire career. Own up to your shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as a failure. A failure may be something you have done — and it may even be something you’ll have to do again on the way to success — but a failure is definitely not something you are.

Even if you’re at a point where you’re feeling very negatively about yourself, be aware that you’re now ideally positioned to make rapid and dramatic improvement. A negative self-evaluation, if it’s honest and insightful, takes much more courage and character than the self-delusions that underlie arrogance and conceit.

I’ve seen the truth of this proven many times in my work with athletes. After an extremely poor performance, a team or an individual athlete often does much better the next time out, especially when the poor performance was so bad that there was simply no way to shirk responsibility for it.

Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so. On the contrary, these undeniably painful experiences can be the solid foundation on which to build future success.

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Reproduced with permission from Denis Waitley’s Weekly Ezine.
To subscribe to Denis Waitley’s Weekly Ezine, go to www.deniswaitley.com
or send an email with Join in the subject to subscribe@deniswaitley.com
Copyright © 2005 Denis Waitley International. All rights reserved worldwide.

Fortunately, it is possible, with God’s help, to grow a great family! Not long ago, I spoke with author Carol Kuykendall about what it takes to build great families. She has written a book, Five-Star Families: Moving Yours From Good to Great, and has put her own twist on how to do it, addressing five areas of family life that matter most. Here are Carol’s “Five Stars” with my own take on how they can make a difference in building your family.

1. Faith

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” (Psalm 127:1) That’s one of the greatest pieces of advice from the Psalms of the Old Testament. It is very clear in the Bible (see Deuteronomy 6:6-7) that the primary role of a parent is to train children who will not only be faithful to their relationships with God but who will also develop their own vital vibrant faith. Faith provides a tremendous foundation for building a great family!

Today, there is a fresh wind inspiring parents to take an active, intentional role in nurturing the faith of their children. Be a part of what God’s Spirit is doing in this area. Don’t miss out on perhaps the greatest legacy you can pass on to your kids: a life that demonstrates a passionate pursuit of God and love for Him. Be reminded, encouraged and challenged: This process starts with you!

2. Growth

Great families grow spiritually, emotionally and physically! This means that parents must make intentional investments in these areas. No family relationship is ever stagnant. It is either growing stronger or weaker. Your family will grow strong as you tackle these important growth areas head on. For example, as mentioned above, make sure you are setting the spiritual pace for your family. Look to express A.W.E. to your family often – affirmation, warmth and encouragement. Make choices for your family in regards to diet and exercise that will lead to a healthy lifestyle.

3. Fun

Great families take time to play and have fun! A marvelous thing happens to families when they play together: They begin to talk and laugh and lighten up. Family memories are built, inside jokes are shared, and serious moments of intimacy are communicated. Families need special times together to build lifelong memories and to play together!

4. Loyalty

The Bible says, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) Loyalty is a key ingredient to building great families! Commitment to one another in family relationships is a vital component of what I call the “Power of Being There.”  Family members thrive when they know that there are people they can count on for love, support and encouragement in the good times, as well as the bad!

5. Love

Lessons in godly love are first and best learned in the context of family relationships. Great families demonstrate love to one another! Now, every family is different in how they express affection. Sadly, many parents withhold affection because “we didn’t do that when I was growing up.” Consequently, if we’ve grown up without a positive model to follow, we may not know how to demonstrate affection.

Even in some of the most caring homes, parents may stop touching their children once they reach grade-school age. When this happens, an important part of showing God’s love also stops. All of us – children, teenagers and adults alike – need meaningful and loving affection. God will use our affection to show our family members how valuable they are, and how much they are loved by both their earthly families and by our heavenly Father!

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By Jim Burns, Ph.D
In response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.

Printed by permission of HomeWord.  For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.

By Denis Waitley

You are your most important critic. There is no opinion so vitally important to your well being as the opinion you have of yourself. As you read this you’re talking to yourself right now. “Let’s see if I understand what he means by that… How does that compare with my experiences? – I’ll make note of that – try that tomorrow – I already knew that…I already do that.”

I believe this self-talk, this psycholinguistics or language of the mind can be controlled to work for us, especially in the building of self-confidence and creativity. We’re all talking to ourselves every moment of our lives, except during certain portions of our sleeping cycle. We’re seldom even aware that we’re doing it. We all have a running commentary in our heads on events and our reactions to them.

• Be aware of the silent conversation you have with yourself. Are you a nurturing coach or a critic? Do you reinforce your own success or negate it? Are you comfortable saying to yourself, “That’s more like it”. “Now we’re in the groove.” “Things are working out well.” “I am reaching my financial goals.” “I’ll do it better next time.”
• When winners fail, they view it as a temporary inconvenience, a learning experience, an isolated event, and a stepping-stone instead of a stumbling block.
• When winners succeed, they reinforce that success, by feeling rewarded rather than guilty about the achievement and the applause.
• When winners are paid a compliment, they simply respond: “Thank you.” They accept value graciously when it is paid. They pay value in their conversations with themselves and with other people.

A mark of an individual with healthy self-esteem is the ability to spend time alone, without constantly needing other people around. Being comfortable and enjoying solitary time reveals inner peace and centering. People who constantly need stimulation or conversation with others are often a bit insecure and thus need to be propped up by the company of others.

• Always greet the people you meet with a smile. When introducing yourself in any new association, take the initiative to volunteer your own name first, clearly; and always extend your hand first, looking the person in the eyes when you speak.
• In your telephone communications at work or at home, answer the telephone pleasantly, immediately giving your own name to the caller, before you ask who’s calling. Whenever you initiate a call, always give your own name up front, before you ask for the party you want and before you state your business. Leading with your own name underscores that a person of value is making the call.
• Don’t brag. People who trumpet their exploits and shout for service are actually calling for help. The showoffs, braggarts and blowhards are desperate for attention.

Don’t tell your problems to people, unless they’re directly involved with the solutions. And don’t make excuses. Successful people seek those who look and sound like success. Always talk affirmatively about the progress you are trying to make.

As we said earlier, find successful role models after whom you can pattern yourself. When you meet a mastermind, become a master mime, and learn all you can about how he or she succeeded. This is especially true with things you fear. Find someone who has conquered what you fear and learn from him or her.

When you make a mistake in life, or get ridiculed or rejected, look at mistakes as detours on the road to success, and view ridicule as ignorance. After a rejection, take a look at your BAG.

• B is for Blessings.
  Things you are endowed with that you often take for granted like life itself, health, living in an abundant country, family, friends, career.
• A is for accomplishments.
  Think of the many things you are proud of that you have done so far.
• And G is for Goals.
  Think of your big dreams and plans for the future that motivate you.

If you took your BAG – blessings, accomplishments and goals – to a party, and spread them on the floor, in comparison to all your friends and the people you admire, you’d take your own bag home, realizing that you have as much going for yourself as anyone else. Always view rejection as part of one performance, not as a turndown of the performer.

And, enjoy those special meetings with yourself. Spend this Saturday doing something you really want to do. I don’t mean next month or someday. This Saturday enjoy being alive and being able to do it. You deserve it. There will never be another you. This Saturday will be spent. Why not spend at least one day a week on You!

Action Idea:

Go for one entire day and night without saying anything negative to yourself or to others. Make a game of it. If a friend or colleague catches you saying something negative, you must put a dollar in a drawer or container toward a dinner or evening out with that person. Do this for one month and see who has had to pay the most money toward the evening.

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Reproduced with permission from Denis Waitley’s Weekly Ezine. To subscribe to Denis Waitley’s Weekly Ezine, go to www.deniswaitley.com or send an email with Join in the subject to subscribe@deniswaitley.com Copyright © 2005 Denis Waitley International. All rights reserved worldwide.

I Corinthians 6:19-20 teaches that the body of a believer is like the building that is dedicated to the worship of the Lord. What follows are six helpful comparisons between our bodies and the temple of the Lord:

Both were built.

The temple of God was constructed of stones, lumber, and other items. It was not a natural phenomenon. It was the product of design and planning.

The same is true of our bodies. Psalms 139:14 teaches that we have been fearfully and wonderfully made. We are not accidents. On the contrary, we are products of planning similar to that which is needed to build a building.

Both are owned by God.

The structure in the Bible was under the care of the Jewish community. However, the structure was seen as being owned by God.

With of our bodies, we learn from I Corinthians 6:20 that we were purchased with a price. When Jesus died for us, He not only paid for the penalty of our sins, but He paid for our bodies. Even though we are to take care of our bodies, our bodies are actually owned by the Lord.

Both are dedicated to God’s purposes.

The temple of God was dedicated or set aside for the worshiping of God. It was a place of sacrifices to and teachings about God.

Our bodies are to be living sacrifices to God. We should use all of our energy to carryout God’s will for our lives. God’s will includes worshiping and loving Him, as well as loving others, as we love ourselves.

Both require maintenance.

The structure of the Bible required someone to keep it clean, to make repairs as needed, and to give diligence to keeping people from causing damage to the structure.

Our bodies require maintenance. We have to work on preventive issues such as diet, exercise, and treatment issues, as directed by doctors. Without maintenance, both temples are sure to fall into disrepair and be of no further use for their dedicated purpose of pleasing God.

Both can be desecrated.

The building in the Bible was the object of attack, by the enemies of God’s people. The Babylonians, for example, burned and destroyed the Temple, as a means of breaking the spirits of God’s people.

The devil still tries to break our spirits, by trying to destroy the “temple of God.” When we are filled with diseases, plagued by injury, and suffer from unnecessary health challenges, our bodies are desecrated and kept from carrying out their dedicated purpose.

For example, when God calls us to work on our jobs and in our business ventures as well as to be of service to those who are less fortunate than we are, but we are unable to, because we are sick or injured, our bodies are desecrated. They are not being used for their sacred purposes.

Both can be rebuilt.

The structure of the Bible had been destroyed and rebuilt on more than one occasion. After it was destroyed by Babylon, God used people like Ezra and Nehemiah to lead in the rebuilding of it.

When we become conscious of the gap between what God wants with our bodies and what we give Him with our bodies, we become duty bound to rebuild the temples He has placed in our trust.

As we become conscious of God’s desire to be glorified, honored, and served with our bodies, we become duty bound to work diligently on removing the bad and building the good habits needed to restore the “temple of God” that He has placed in our care.

In closing, both the temple building of the Bible and the “temple of God” that is also known as our body has at least six similarities. Both are built or are the products of design. Both are owned by God. Both are dedicated to God’s usage and purposes.

Both require maintenance. Both can be desecrated. And both can be rebuilt. Let’s give our best in maintaining and rebuilding the “temples of God” that God has placed in our trust.

Dr. Robert E. Baines, Jr. was ordained into the Gospel ministry in 1988, earned his Doctorate of Ministry Degree from United Theological Seminary (i.e.,Dayton, OH.) in 2003, and has served as a Senior Pastor, since 1990.

He is currently the Senior Pastor of the Southern Baptist Church, in Cincinnati, Ohio. He loves the Lord and desires to leave a legacy of being a Christian change agent. Visit his website at http://www.christian-living-site.com