I have noticed that some men either are overly confident, even arrogant or they are insecure, not thinking enough of themselves at all. In both cases, the extremes cause the error.

Paul gives some good advice, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Notice the emphasis on the self-assessment is based on sober judgment. To think soberly means to have sound judgment, to be in agreement, to be harmonious, or have the same mind. What are you to be in agreement with? Paul says, “in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” In other words, to have a sober mind assessment of one’s self is to be in harmony or in agreement with God’s Word for you.

The guy who is overbearing and cocky is often internally tormented that he doesn’t measure up to those around him. His boasting and peacocking is a mask of his low self-esteem.

On the other hand, the guy who is constantly emphasizing what he is not good at, or is self-abasing, is also displaying an inappropriate response to error. He is not properly emphasizing what God has given him.

As a man thinks in his heart so is he.

• It is important to have a balance to your self-assessment.
• Don’t over emphasize your weaknesses.
• Don’t over exaggerate your strengths.
• Know what you are good at. Know your strengths. Be willing to say to yourself, “I know that I can make this shot” or “I know that I can close this deal.”
• When someone gives you a compliment don’t apologize, simply say, “Thank you.”
• When you are faced with a challenge draw upon the measure of faith that God has given you.

When your child has fallen short on a task, do you emphasis that failure every day for the rest of his or her life? Of course not, you build them up, focusing on their strengths. It would be unhealthy to constantly remind them of their shortcomings. The same is true for you, if you fall short or make a mistake, don’t rehearse the failure over and over – get over it and move on – change your thinking.

What patterns of poor thinking do you need to change or overcome?

A young man, simply on assignment to deliver his brothers their lunch overhears the warrior’s scoff. He inquires from those standing around, “What will be done for the man?”

I think that it is one of the greatest questions that could have been asked. It set a young man apart from the crowd. It distinguished his motivation. It showed tremendous courage and revealed maturity beyond his years.

His brother assigned his question to arrogance. Others laughed with disbelief. But David persisted, “I have slain a lion, a bear, and this man will be nothing but another step in God’s faithfulness to me.”

While the thoughts of others focused on their potential loss, David’s thoughts were on what would he gain when he asked, “What will be done for the man?”

The size of your enemy determines the size of your reward.

Three Rewards for Facing Giant Challenges:

Great Wealth

• Your gains in life are in direct proportion to the problems that you solve.
• You must be a problem solver.
• Look for problems that others are avoiding.
• Necessity is the mother of invention.
• Look for ways to be paid residually from the problems that you solve.
• You will never be rich remaining comfortable.
• To get something that you’ve never had you must do something that you’ve never done.

Special Status

• Influence is a key to enlarging your rewards in life.
• Influence is a currency that is better than money.
• Influence is not fame. Fame is fleeting. Influence is legendary.
• Influence opens doors that are shut to others.

Royal Lineage

• A decision today can affect your descendants forever.
• Stepping up to the challenge can redirect your future.
• The prophecies and promises of your childhood will be revealed on the field of contest.

David stepped onto the field of contest that day to face his giant. It was that day that the anointing on his life was revealed. It was that day a boy became a man, even THE man. Goliath was a scourge on society that needed to be removed. Taking him out catapulted David into his destiny.

Your rewards are determined by the size of your challenges.

You may have had this happen to you as a boy. Your curiosity and sense of adventure gets you into a mess. Then you get into terrible trouble because you didn’t know that it was wrong, or dumb, or foolish.

A few years ago, I became frustrated at one of my children because they did something so obviously foolish that I couldn’t believe they did it. I wanted to explode in my anger, but the Spirit began to instruct me saying, “Neil, did you ever instruct your child about this? When did you teach them a principle concerning this? Never discipline whom you’ve not discipled.”

I learned that I had a responsibility to teach my children. This is not something that I can pawn off to others and expect the results that I want. I can’t shrug off this duty. Yes, I can employ a school and entrust them to be raised in a church but it is my calling to train them in the way they are to go.

Did you know that Abraham was chosen to be in covenant with God because of his teaching ability? That’s right, God chose him because, “he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised to do.”

God actually assigned His covenant blessing to Abraham because he could be trusted to teach.

Children are insatiable learners. If we as parents do not teach them they will get their wisdom from someone else. Unfortunately, they often will go to the unknowing for knowledge. The knowledge that children learn from the world or from their friends is often the knowledge of good and evil. It can be sinful and wicked. You don’t want to relegate your responsibility to others.

Notice, that Abraham’s teaching would ensure God’s promises. God said, “I will bring about for Abraham what I have promised to do.”

If you want to ensure that your child does not depart from the way of God, you must teach them. Here is the simple, three-step strategy I use to teach:

Precept

A precept is an established authority. It is immovable, eternal, foundational truth. When you read the Word of God, look for precepts. When you start with a precept, your teaching is based upon foundational truth and authority. It isn’t because you say so but because it is established. An example of a precept is, “Do not muzzle the ox while he is treading out the grain.” This is an agrarian and ethical treatment rule to allow an ox to graze while he is working.

Principle

A principle is the universal truth and application of a precept. This principle should direct my behavior, belief system, and conduct. Our example of, “do not muzzle the ox while he is treading out the grain” helps us understand that we should employ ethical treatment of an animal that is under our care or in labor of use.

Practice

Practice is taking the precept, converting it to a principle, and applying it to my life. I may not have an ox, so is this precept irrelevant to me? It would seem not, but in fact, the Apostle Paul used this example to teach that ministers of the gospel should receive their financial salaries from ministering the gospel.

We are created with a deep desire to learn and receive knowledge. We should always be looking to expand our mind, to learn, to think. As men, we don’t want to participate in useless exercises based on theory. We want to know what works. Call it street smarts or common sense, but men want practical, real-life applications. Your children are no different. They need real-world knowledge, too. Your children need to know how to make and invest money. They need to know what to do if the car breaks down or they have an accident.

Practically speaking, I teach my children as we go in life—when we’re driving, playing golf, eating, etc. Don’t try to over-structure your teaching time with them. Do it as you do life together.

When God created Man, he placed within him a deep reservoir of purpose. Flowing within that reservoir is a commodity worth more than gold. It truly is the currency of your life. If you can gain understanding of it, you will never again be concerned about the subsistence level of living – clothes, cars, and cottages. You will be able to focus on what really matters – which is the purpose of your existence as an authentic man.

This is what Jesus referred to when he said, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33) Most men are in a constant struggle with simply meeting the needs and a few desires of their families. It’s an honorable step. It is also a basic requirement before going further into the purposes that you were created to do. However, don’t stop short. Once you’ve understood this level of achievement, it is time to move on to deeper currents.

The deep waters that Solomon suggests we have as men is an internal counsel which helps us formulate plans. You’ve recognized this counsel before when needing to make a decision and something deep within you whispers wisdom. Don’t let this take you by surprise. Embrace this inner counsel. You are being instructed by something more than your education or experience can provide.

In the book of Genesis, we are told of a river named Pishon that flowed out of the original garden. The name Pishon means increase. Within this river were precious materials like gold and onyx. But these precious items did not just flow into the hands of men, rather men had to dig deep into the river bed to harvest the increase contained within.

Tools for Digging Deep

Look Within

Stop looking outside of yourself to find your purpose. Study 1 Corinthians 2 for an understanding of the secret wisdom that God has for you.

Rid Yourself of Envy

No need to be jealous of what others have. God is a God of abundant resources and He has created you for good works. Ephesians 2:10 says that you are the workmanship of God. This should eliminate any competitive envy or insecurities that you may deal with.

Develop Your Skills

Understand that your potential is buried deep and is only useful if you draw upon it. Potential is unproven skill. Potential doesn’t pay the bills; skill does. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says, “A dull ax means harder work. Being wise (sharpening your skills) will make it easier.”

Use This Reservoir For Personal Advancement

You may currently exchange your labor for an hourly wage or a salary, but until you personally understand how to tap into your real purpose you will never know the incalculable wealth God has placed within you. Draw upon these deep purposes to advance in all areas of your life.

An entrepreneur told me how he had lost a very lucrative patent due to failed legal diligence on his part. Rather than whine and complain about how he was wronged, he isolated himself on the shore of Mobile Bay and prayed, asking God for a new idea. He spent a considerable amount of time digging deep into his purpose. The idea came like a gusher – exploding out of his spirit. That single idea allowed him to employ hundreds of people with their own businesses and allowed him to deposit seven figures a month into his bank account.

George Washington Carver lifted a hand-full of peanuts into the air and said, “God, Creator of the heavens and earth, reveal unto me the secrets that you’ve housed in the peanut.” Carver went on to discover over 300 economically viable uses of the lowly peanut.

What do you have flowing deep within you? What is your personal currency?

I live on the Gulf Coast; I witness the personal impact that this is having on local families. A real estate agent told me that houses on Mobile Bay are being appraised 15 percent less than they were 90 days ago. Those who make a living harvesting the bountiful seafood from the Gulf are scratching their heads, trying to figure out what they are going to do to make a living. This is all they’ve ever known.

All the while, we want to scream, “This is not right! This is not how it is supposed to be.”

Rather than get angry and lose my temper over something completely out of my control, I’ve gone to the beach, and overlooking the ocean, prayed for God’s intervention on this matter.

You may have another disaster spewing up into your life. You may have a relationship problem, a health issue, a financial crisis that you are dealing with. Things completely out of your control may be frustrating you. What can you do? How do your respond?

The Apostle Paul explains in the Roman letter that the Earth is groaning in birth pains, eagerly awaiting its redemption that will come when the Sons of God are revealed. In the same manner, we, who are Believers, also groan in expectation for what is coming, the hope of the redemptive plan to be fully realized. Obviously, that hope is not yet manifested.

This frustration that yearns from our spirit is desperately screaming, “This is not right! This is not how it is supposed to be.”

Paul goes onto say, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness, when we don’t know what we are to pray, He searches our hearts, and prays according to the will of God for us.”

If you are facing a frustration of not knowing what to do or how to pray this is an amazing truth. The Spirit of God actually prays through you, knowing exactly what you should be praying according to the will of God. When we allow this process of prayer to occur, “all things work together for our good.”

So, don’t just sit there and scream at the TV or let loose your anger on the bills in front of you. Do something about it. Allow the Holy Spirit to pray through you according to God’s love and purpose for your life.

To be an authentic man means that you must decide to step out of mediocrity and into a more dignified and determined level of living. If it were easy, most men would do it. Obviously it’s not easy. In fact, you will find that you are opposed at every turn. As a FivestarMan, you are going against the flow of modern culture. You are resisting the impulse of compromise. You must put your shoulders back, bow up, and be willing to face the challenge head on.

We use Centurions as an example of a FivestarMan. Centurions were strong men. They were conditioned, prepared, educated, and equipped. Their face was chiseled by the seasons. The muscles were toned and strong. Their conditioning was for one reason: When they faced an opponent they had the advantage.

The defining moment of a FivestarMan is not during the calibration of conditioning but in the moment when everything that you believe in must be stood up for.

The value of any commodity is determined by the process of its making and the rarity of its existence. If you are willing to face the pressure of the process, recalibrating your life toward the five passions of a FivestarMan will expose the rarity of authentic manhood.

“I learned that if you push through the resistance and keep driving for what you want, you will ultimately achieve rewards beyond any you had hoped for.” – T. Boone Pickens

In a recent conversation with an FSM Entrepreneur, he said, “Neil, I have to be honest, the more I pursue being the man that God wants me to be, even the man that I want to be, the more I realize how far off manhood has become in our culture, even in the Church.” Then with emotion in his voice, and determination in his eyes, he said, “I am convinced that God has more for us than we can imagine, if we are willing to be faithful through the resistance.”

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

At FivestarMan, we are preparing a unique process — a recalibration— to help men push through to authentic manhood. The launch date will be announced in the coming weeks. When we do, there will be nothing like it. It will equip men with the individual resources they need to resurrect authenticity in their lives. We are committed to building a movement to resurrect authentic manhood.

“It depends on what the definition of “is” is.” -Bill Clinton

They don’t even justify their actions — justice is not a rule for them. They can lie because truth is not a standard. They can destroy a person by slander and false accusation because personal reputation is not a virtue. Their only rule is to force us to live up to our rules.

We are in a battle of ideas! The field of contest is culture. How do we fight against the unprincipled? How do we overcome their argument of vanity?

Paul said, “The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.” – 2 Cor 10:5 The Message

The mission of FivestarMan is to be a voice for authentic manhood. We are more than a ministry, we are a movement. The five passions of FSM speak to the values of manhood — we’re Adventurous spirits, we have Entrepreneurial drive, we’re Gallant in relationships, our character is forged in Faithfulness, and our lives are our Legacy (Philanthropic).

“We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” – 2 Cor 10:5  The Message

What arguments are you confronting in your community? What “rules” govern your city? How about the industry or field of work that you’re in? What compromises do your co-workers allow themselves for profit?

What is the enchantment of the blockbuster hit “New Moon” and the upcoming “Eclipse” movies?   It is a mixture of the age old story line of young romance intertwined with a combination of the mystical seduction of vampires.

For some reason, this movie has not only attracted teenage girls but also has seduced their moms.  One of the young stars of the show revealed the bizarre incident when a mother who stood in line with her teenage daughter to meet him asked if she could take off her panties for him to autograph.

What you should know as a father:

Vampires are mythological beings who feed off of the blood of the living.

This is a direct assault on the teachings of God.  The Bible says, “Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. ” ‘Do not practice divination or sorcery.” God established this on the principle that “life is in the blood.”  It is a practice of sorcery (evokers of the dead).

Vampires are representatives of fallen spirits who look upon women with lust.

The Apostle Paul instructed that women should have a covering of authority for the sake of the angels (1 Corinthians 11:10).  He was referring to the evil practice of angels who lust for women.  As a father, you are the authority over your daughter in the spirit realm.

Vampires are androgynous in appearance, gaunt and pale.

Their thin appearance is very different from their original descriptions as plump, bloated, monsters who gorged on the flesh and blood of the living.   The new image makes them more attractive and seductive to some women.

Vampires were originally synonymous with Satan.

The attraction to the Evil Being has always been on the base ideas of sexual relations.  There was a time that Genesis describes as when the ”sons of God had relations with the daughters of men.“ This is often considered as a time with the fallen angels intermingled with women.

For those who think that this story line is cute, consider this: A modern day vampire would be Jeffrey Dahmer, a serial killer who killed 17 people. His murders were particularly gruesome, involving rape, torture, dismemberment,necrophilia and cannibalism. The details of his story are gruesome and not worth exploring. If you think that its no big deal – think about your daughter being seduced by this vile man.

The bottom line is that creating a fantasy of the mythological vampire in the minds of young women (or for that matter adult women) is dangerous and offensive to what is right and moral.

When a Father speaks, his children are profoundly impacted by his words. We need to be extremely careful what and how we speak to our children.

Our words can have a powerful impact on a child in the positive, they can have tremendous negative impact as well.

I travel each week speaking in churches, teaching seminars, and conducting FivestarMan Encounters. I can’t estimate how many times I have prayed for grown men and women who are still controlled by the loose words that a person of authority spoke over them when they were a child.

Not long ago, while ministering in a church, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to pray for a couple. I asked them to come forward and asked permission to pray for them. They agreed.

As I laid my hands upon their foreheads while praying, my mind began to see scenes of the woman’s childhood. She was thirteen years old, she was joyfully dancing around in her bedroom, laughing and playing, when her father came by the room and began to speak harsh and angry words over her. He bruised her spirit. It was that moment — that very instance — that caused her to withdraw into a cocoon spiritually and emotionally. She began to accept that a father was mean, controlling, harsh, and angry.

When I described the scene that played out in my mind, the woman uncontrollably burst into tears. Sobbing and wrenching before me, she allowed the pent-up emotion of decades to come forth.

I then turned to her husband, and spoke a word over him. “Without knowing that this occurred in her young life, you have also used harsh words and outbursts of rage to control your wife.” He confessed to me that he didn’t know why he had done this and that it was out of his normal character to do so, but he admitted that he did speak to his wife this way to get what he wanted.

That couple was delivered from that horrific pattern in their marriage that day. The husband pledged to never again use harsh, angry words to control his wife. She released her father in forgiveness, and she committed not to allow that moment from so many years ago to control her life from that day on.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” -Ephesians 4:29

Steps to Communicating Effectively:

Don’t Use Inappropriate Language – Unwholesome talk means words that are demeaning, harsh, hurtful, or sarcastic. Words have the ability to root within a person – to putrefy within a person’s soul.

Speak Kind and Comforting Words – Carefully select your words. Words should be personally helpful for the listener.

Speak Words That Build Up – Words have the ability to be constructive or destructive to a person.

So, if you have spoken unwholesome words, repent for speaking them, revoke the effect of them, and replace them with positive affirmations that replace their ill effect.