I had just concluded 40 days of prayer and fasting before this trip and I sensed in my spirit that a directional change was coming to my ministry. Suddenly, when the tires hit the tarmac it was as if a download of information came rushing to me. Jolted, surprised and almost overwhelmed, I reached for anything I could find to write down the flood of thoughts flowing into my spirit.

The initial word spoken to my spirit was, “Build a movement to resurrect authentic manhood. Do so by speaking to the deep purposes that reside within man and he will cast off those things that restrain him.”

As I wrote, more and more clarity came to me. I asked, “What are the deep purposes of man?” I immediately remembered Proverbs 20:5, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

Instantly, the foundational principles of Fivestarman flowed out of my spirit and I realized that man has five distinct purposes that reside deep within him:

1. Man is an Adventurous Spirit;
2. He is gifted with an Entrepreneurial Drive;
3. He desires to be Gallant in Relationships;
4. Man longs to be Faithful in Character;
5. And he is driven to leave a legacy through Philanthropic Cause.

(Later study also revealed that the word for “man” in Proverbs 20:5 is not the common word “Adam” but “iysh.” Iysh means, masculine man, cultivator, virile, strong, manly-mind, gallant, priest, leader, and champion.)

Once the plane arrived at the gate, I had to switch my focus back to the consulting assignment for the next 24 hours. Amazingly, when I boarded the plane the next day the flow of inspiration immediately returned, giving me insight and strategy as to how Fivestarman was to develop.

When the plane landed in Houston, I stayed onboard while the flight attendants prepared to continue to our next destination in New Orleans. I was busy typing an outline for Fivestarman on my laptop when the flight attendants approached me. As they attempted to make small talk with me, I tried to keep my focus. Finally, I realized that I couldn’t shake them and gave them my full attention. One young lady said, “What are you working on?”

“I am writing an outline to a book.” I answered, hoping that would suffice.

“What is the book about?” she continued.

Realizing they were genuinely interested, I answered, “I am writing a book about a Fivestarman.” As I shared with them the five purposes of authentic manhood and finished by describing gallant relationships, I realized the young lady had drawn in a little too close to my comfort zone. As I leaned back away from her, I noticed tears dripping off her cheek. She desperately asked, “How do I find a man like that?”

It seemed as if she was speaking for young women everywhere, even for my own daughters. I suddenly felt the cry of our culture. A vulnerable culture, one that is missing the strength and protection that comes from authentic manhood.

“Stand at attention while I prepare you for your work…
You’re a one-man defense system against this culture.” Jeremiah 1:18-19

The echo of the original word that came to me was not to build a personal ministry but to build a movement. A movement is a series of organized activities working toward a stated goal. It requires much more activity than one person can achieve.

Over the next few weeks as I began to speak on the five passions of authentic manhood I noticed something very interesting in the posture of men. Initially, men were leaning back in their chairs with folded arms and half-sleepy eyes. As I began to share in-depth what makes a Fivestarman, they began to sit up straight. By the time I finished, those same men were leaning forward, hands on their knees, eyes focused, staring straight ahead, as if in a stance of readiness.

Solomon said, “The purposes of a man are drawn out.” I now recognize the progress of this drawing-out-process each time I speak on the five passions of authentic manhood and the process is simple:


Fivestarman is not about placing a shackle of guilt on a man, nor are we trying to make a man something that he is not, we are simply identifying who he already is and revealing it to him, giving him clear understanding to his God-given purposes.

And men are responding to this. Men can wrap their heads around this. Men want to know more. They want to be involved in this process.

This is a total change in the paradigm of communicating to men!

According to a recent study only 10 percent of churches have a viable, active and productive men’s ministry.

Most efforts toward men’s ministries are weak, anemic, and girly. We even see this with publishing companies who have all but given up trying to communicate to men. These companies excuse their failed efforts to the preposition that men do not read. I totally disagree! Men will read, but we do not read like women read. The problem is the publishing companies and most ministries have attempted to communicate to men’s feelings. That’s fine for women.

Women relate face-to-face sharing feelings.

But men relate shoulder-to-shoulder facing challenges.

Other efforts toward men’s ministry center around an angry anti-pornography strategy. This reactive strategy starts when a pastor or leader is forced to deal with some of their “good” guys facing the addictive powers of pornography. Pornography is a scourge on manhood, but it is actually a result—not the cause—of a fallen relationship with God.

We must dig deeper. We must draw from the original intent of manhood.

We don’t need another attempt at men’s ministry. We need a movement. A movement that is organic. A movement that raises the voice of authentic manhood. A movement that speaks to men who have been completely turned off by the terms “Bible Study” or “Men’s Breakfast.” We must become more strategic and communicate to the internal, God-deposit that lies within men, that spark of authentic purpose that the Spirit draws out (1 Corinthians 2:9).

We’re not going to win men by making them something that they’re not. We can’t communicate to men on the emotive level. We must communicate to men’s purposes. When a man focuses on his purposes he casts off those things that constrain him.

When you are in training physically, you change your habits, you get up earlier, work out harder and suppress or change your appetite. You know that some of your cravings are bad for you. The same goes for your spirit. When you focus on godly training, just like physical training, you will focus on growth and suppress those things that hinder your progress.

Rather than guilt men into the Church, rather than manipulate him by focusing on his wife and children, we must focus on the purposes of men, draw upon them, communicate to him in an authentic manner.

As Malachi warned in the last sentence of the Old Testament before the 400 years of silence:

 “See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

We must have a prophetic voice speak to the heart of men. We must raise the voice of authentic manhood. Now is the time for Fivestarman!

God answered by saying, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.”

God spoke to the generations within her, prophesying their future.  When it came time for their birth, the twins were in contention.  The first child to arrive was covered with red hair, so they named him Esau, which means Red.  Grasping the heel of Red was Jacob, which means to grasp the heel, or figuratively means to deceive.

Red was loved by his father.  He learned to be a skillful hunter, a man who liked to be out in the field.  He was loud, and rough-hewn.

Red wasn’t a thinker.  He didn’t have vision beyond his present appetite.  This exposed a weakness, his vulnerability to be deceived.

Rebekah loved Deceiver.  She schooled his quiet nature, kept him around the tents, dressed him in designer clothes, and taught him how to cook.  She also taught him the subtle techniques of deception.

Red came home from a failed day of hunting, when Deceiver welcomed him with a contract, “Will you trade a fresh bowl of stew for your birthright?”

Red’s stomach controlled his passion, so he made hasty decisions.  Haste leads to poverty (Proverbs 21:5).  Deceiver’s passion was his legacy; he would strive for significance, even if he achieved it through evil means.

This war between the natures of man continues to jostle back and forth.  You may have the two natures within you.  You may immediately identify with Red, or you may realize that you have a secret nature that relates to Deceiver.

This imbalance can stem from how we raise our children.  When a parent favors a child, they tend to put their imprint upon that child.  Isaac related to Esau, while Rebekah was devoted to Jacob.  Even though they were raised in the same household, they were parented separately, as if they were each living in a single-parent household.

We can see the devastating effects of single-parent households every day.  I can’t tell you how many horrific stories I’ve heard, where a fatherless boy is manipulated into deception by a predator because the boy needed a “daddy” in his life.  Boys crave the love of a father.

We need the balance of both natures. We need to be in the field, hunting, fishing, hiking, riding, exploring and adventuring, and we need to be thinking long term, so that our temporary appetites don’t forfeit our futures.

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This article is an excerpt from the book Fivestarman—The Five Passions of Authentic Manhood by Neil Kennedy.  To learn more about Fivestarman or to order your copy of Fivestarman—The Five Passions of Authentic Manhood please visit www.fivestarman.com.

You are free and welcome to re-publish, re-post, and in general share this article with any and all, so long as you keep all credits and links intact. For reprint rights, please contact us at info@fivestarman.com.

You were made out of the dirt, molded from the clay, and that’s also where you are called to return.  It’s where you relate—the field of contest—whether it’s a football field, a baseball field, a golf course, or even a battlefield.  It’s on the field of contest that man clashes with other men sharpening his skills and strengthening his resolve.

Women relate face-to-face sharing feelings; men relate shoulder-to-shoulder facing challenges.  A woman tells you what she feels; a man tells you what he thinks.

The Bible says, “Iron sharpens iron, a man sharpens another man.” Iron does not sharpen with a caress but with a clash.  You become a better man by the competition.  The struggle strengthens you.

Do you always win?

No, but you become a better man.  The competition conditions you.

The field of contest has always been in the heart of a man.  Early man left the home to hunt in the field, to kill a wild beast, and to bring it home as a prize for his family.  The family celebrated his victory by cooking and feasting on his conquest.  At dinner, he was served first, because he was “The Man!”

Even though we still leave the house to enter the field of contest and return with provisions, something seems lost in translation when all we bring home is a paycheck.  The family doesn’t celebrate dad’s victories anymore.  Celebration has become expectation.  The family feels cheated if the money isn’t there when they want the latest cultural phenomenon.  The husband/father no longer receives honor for being the provider.  The dignity of vocation no longer commands respect.

“Adventure, with all its requisite danger and wildness,
is a deeply spiritual longing written into the soul of man.”

—John Eldredge

The adventurous spirit slowly dies when a man has to live his whole life refined in designer clothes.  Sometimes a man needs to get back out into the dirt and play as he did when he was a child.

So how about it, men? What do you do to get your “fingers in the dirt” and reclaim the adventurous spirit?

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This article is an excerpt from the book Fivestarman—The Five Passions of Authentic Manhood by Neil Kennedy.  To learn more about Fivestarman or to order your copy of Fivestarman—The Five Passions of Authentic Manhood please visit www.fivestarman.com.

You are free and welcome to re-publish, re-post, and in general share this article with any and all, so long as you keep all credits and links intact. For reprint rights, please contact us at info@fivestarman.com.

Influence

Want more influence in the office or workplace? Author Phil Cooke writes:

I meet too many people who feel ignored and dismissed at the office.  Their co-workers have stopped asking them for advice, they’re not being invited to key meetings, and management seems to overlook them.  Some people call it an “office doormat.”  Is that you?

Click here to read Phil’s full article.

Setting an example is not the main
means of influencing another,
it is the only means. -Albert Einstein

What If You Work For a Bad Boss?

It happens. No matter how hard you try, the fact may be that you simply work for a bad boss. But how is a Fivestarman to respond in such a situation?

Michael Hyatt offers the following five key points if you are in that situation.

• Manage your expectations.
• Evaluate the impact.
• Consider your options.
• Be assertive.
• Support him publicly.

Read Michael’s complete post and in-depth explanation of each point.

Be Happy

Of course that’s much easier said than done. Jon Gordon believes it may just be  a matter of focus. His suggestions?

• Focus on “Get to” instead of “Have to”
• Don’t Expect your Boss, Co-workers and Customers to Make you Happy
• Don’t Seek Happiness
• Focus on Excellence instead of Success
• Celebrate Together

Read Jon’s full article, Five Ways To Be Happier At Work here.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others,
you should put a good deal of thought into
the happiness that you are able to give.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Five Godly Ways to Be a Good Dad

Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church states,

“One of the greatest joys in my life is being a dad to my kids. Over the years, I’ve learned many lessons about being a dad, but one of the most important is that in order to be a good dad, you must be a good Christian.”

“By being a good Christian, you develop a relationship with your heavenly Father, the perfect Dad, that informs everything you do as a dad. And by cultivating a deep understanding of the Scriptures, you grow in wisdom, grace, and ability to raise your kids well and to the glory of God.”

Here are some practical ways to love your kids like God, our Father, loves us:

1. Delight in your kids before discipline.
2. Protect your kids by fearing God.
3. Be a man for your kids and live righteously.
4. Work hard for your kids.
5. Create a legacy for your kids.

Mark goes into detail on each of his five points, so click here to read the full article.

The righteous who walks in his integrity—
blessed are his children after him! -Proverbs 20:7

PHILANTHROPIC

Pro Golfer K.J. Choi Believes in Giving Back

Golf is how K.J. Choi makes his money. Donations are how he likes to spend a lot of it.

“I believe in sharing,” says Choi, a pro golfer from South Korea who gave away over $300,000 that he earned on this year’s PGA Tour. “A lot of people make money but we all live in a society where we need to share.”

He has pledged $200,000 of the $1.71 million that he won at last month’s Players Championship in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida to victims of the deadly tornadoes that recently struck the American South.

He’s known around the clubhouse for showing his appreciation. “He thanks everybody. He thanks the golf course superintendent, the tournament host but he also thanks God,” says Hack. “He’s not afraid to talk about his beliefs.”

Choi has a reputation for being a devout Christian. He and his family are members of the Dallas Korean United Methodist Church in Texas.

“The Lord has been good to me and he has provided a lot for me so this is my way to return of all the things that he has given to me,” he says.

Read the full article on CNN here.

GALLANT

Kids Need to Roughhouse with Dad

Alert reader Tyler Pettis points us to a great article that clearly shows that fathers roughhousing with their young children is crucially important in the early development of kids.

“Rough and tumble play between fathers and their young children is part of their development, shaping their children’s brain so that their children develop the ability to manage emotions and thinking and physical action altogether,” said Fletcher. “This is a key developmental stage for children in that preschool area between the ages of about two and a half and five. That’s when children learn to put all those things together.”

Researchers believe that the most important aspect of this play is that it gives children a sense of achievement when they ‘defeat’ a more powerful adult, building their self-confidence and concentration. However, fathers who resist their children, can also teach them the life lesson that, in life, you don’t always win. The act of a stronger adult holding back that strength also helps to build trust between father and child.

Read the full article here.

–adjective
1. constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything: a diligent workman.
2. done or pursued with persevering attention; painstaking: a diligent search of the files.

The diligent man is free to work;
a lazy man must have constant oversight.
Proverbs 12:24

The Diligent

• Become leaders.
  Proverbs 12:24 – The hand of the diligent will rule, But the lazy man will be put to forced labor.
• Obtain wealth and prosper.
  Proverbs 13:4 – The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.
• Have a definite purpose and objective.
  2 Peter 1:10 – Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;
• Work even when it is inconvenient, in order to reap the reward.
  2 Chronicles 15:7 – But you, be strong and do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded!
• Will be successful and stand before kings.
  Proverbs 22:29 – Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.

Everything yields to diligence.
-Antiphanes

The Opposite of Diligence? Laziness

Just as diligence has its reward, laziness has its consequences and includes the following definitive characteristics.

The lazy man:

• Has trouble starting his work.
  Proverbs 14:23 – In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.
• Has trouble finishing his work.
  Proverbs 12:27 – The slothful will not roast his game; but the diligent man will get precious wealth.
  Proverbs 20:4 – The sluggard does not plow in autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing.
• Makes an idol out of leisure.
  Proverbs 21:17 – Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
• Is undisciplined in his sleep.
  Proverbs 20:13 – Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes and have plenty.
• Is prone to making excuses.
  Proverbs 22:13 – The sluggard says, “There is a lion in the road! There is a lion in the streets!”
• Is restless with unsatisfied desires.
  Proverbs 13:4 – The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.
  Proverbs 21:25 – The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to labor.
• Is wise in his own eyes.
  Proverbs 26:16 – A sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly.

Few people understand protocol, yet it is one of the most powerful relational principles that can impact your life. Protocol is what allows ACCESS to you. No one has an inherent right into your life.

When you open the gate and allow someone into your life, you are inviting his or her influence, his or her possible request or demand, and perhaps his or her instruction.

Every person you allow into your life will have an affect upon it, but not every relationship will be a positive one.

It is important that you establish a standard of protocol for your personal community. The information you share is being broadcast throughout the community, so it is important that you are very careful what you share. It is also important that you monitor your community for those who qualify to STAY in your community.

Access is first a reward, then a continual test.

Remember, not everyone has a right to be in your life. If you determine someone no longer warrants access, close the gate.

Access authorizes a person to assess your true value.

Access is a two-way street. While you should carefully monitor what you allow into your life, remember that others will be doing the same with the access they have granted to you.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Access is a gift, not a right.

You must monitor the line of respect and familiarity. If a person crosses that line you must either push back or eliminate the gift of access.

I recently had someone boldly rebuke something that I had posted. My statement was not just an opinion but also a scriptural principle. This person’s exclamation points and abrasive words were incredibly out of line. (His sloppy misspellings didn’t help his case either.) After attempting to reason with him, I realized he was not looking for wisdom but for a fight. I simply unfriended him. No more access. Gate closed. Problem solved.

The restoration of access must follow protocol.

If a person offends you it is important that you honor the system of forgiveness; however, most people are flippant when extending forgiveness. They simply say, “Well, I must forgive.” Forgiveness should also follow a process of protocol.

A former employee who had stolen from me called me out of the blue, apparently thinking a trivial phone call would gain my forgiveness of his trespass. When I answered the phone he said, “Neil, I am in the hotel lobby and I have a few things I need to say.” He was expecting me to drop my schedule and grant him immediate access. That wasn’t going to happen.

I replied, “No, you do not have access to me. You need to practice protocol. Write me a formal letter expressing your request and I will read and reply in kind.”

When this gentleman wrote the letter, I was able to reply with a complete release of his debt to me. Few people understand this level of protocol but it is vital to operating in true forgiveness.

So, as you enlarge your community, realize that access is a gate that must be opened and closed. For a Biblical example of allowing and restricting access, study the chapter of John 10, where Jesus said, “I am the gate.”

Once again, authentic manhood stands at odds with modern culture’s politically-correct coddling of issues that are really quite clear.

I was appalled when I heard a reverse-collared, liberal cleric stumble with the idea that Usama Bin Laden was evil. He said, “Well, his acts were evil but only God can judge his heart.” I saw people commenting on Facebook and Twitter claiming they could not rejoice in the death of anyone – not even UBL. Incredible!

When David went out to fight against Goliath, a ruthless killer, he faced him with a sling and a stone. An interesting fact is that David prophesied that he would decapitate Goliath’s head from his body. After David knocked the giant warrior down, he picked up the giant’s sword and fulfilled his promise. When the Philistine army saw David lift up his head they turned in fear and ran from the battlefield. When the Israeli army saw the head, they were encouraged and ran into the battle. David then returned to Jerusalem to add the head of the giant to his collection of trophies. (1 Kings 17)

Three primary reasons for the execution of a righteous kill:

1. We rid the earth of a man who is bent on evil.
2. We put fear in the hearts of others bent on evil.
3. We encourage those who are on the side of righteous.

We must raise our sons with a sense that righteousness can triumph over evil. The idea that we should show sympathy for the death of an evil man is completely naïve and embarrassingly feminine.

When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices;
when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.
Proverbs 11:10

By the way, UBL claimed a religion that incites the violent murder of anyone outside of its faith and believed he would be rewarded for his efforts to do so. Well, we have delivered him to his reward. May he face the True God and be judged according to his deeds.

And yes, lest there be any doubt, Usama Bin Laden was evil.

Jesus’ response to tragedy can serve as a lesson.

“Those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.” Luke 13:4

Jesus is teaching that if we are not careful, we can think a tragedy is a targeted judgment of sin, when in fact; ALL tragedy is a result of the fallen world. The earth is groaning as in birth pains awaiting the redemptive work of God (Romans 8).

Jesus warns those judging the tragedy of the fallen tower of Siloam that the eighteen who died were not more sinful than anyone else but were simply the result of the tragedy of death.

These are statements that you SHOULD NOT make:

• This is because they are cursed.
• God is teaching them something.
• All things work together for the good. (This is taking a scripture completely out of the context and applying all acts as good. Obviously, this is not true.)
• They lacked faith.
• Hopefully, this will turn them to God.
• Well, I am just glad it didn’t happen to us.
• They deserved it.
• God did this.

These are responses that you SHOULD have:

• What can I do to help?
• Who is responding and how can I help them?
• How can I pray?
• I am so grateful and humbled by this tragedy that I want to help in every way that I can.

The important thing to note is we should not sin with our lips by accusing God of a tragedy. Remember Jesus’ words in John 10:10:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

If you would like to help in relief efforts and invest in long term cultural change, please consider partnering with Convoy of Hope. Immediately following the devastation of the storms, Convoy of Hope trucks were dispatched with relief supplies, food, and resources to help in the aftermath. Let’s respond properly when facing challenges.

To learn more, visit www.convoyofhope.org

“Lucky for me, I ended up with a
boy whose favorite color is pink.
Toenail painting is way more fun in neon.”

Jenna Lyons’ byline for the recent J. Crew ad has stirred controversy—and rightly so—when a mother-son moment has mom painting the boy’s toenails pink. What could possibly be wrong with a laughing boy and an endearing moment with his mother?

The abandonment of authentic manhood is causing us to become increasingly a matriarchal society. Men are forfeiting their leadership roles in every place in society, but none is more evident than the role of fatherhood.

Women have always played a pivotal role in the household. In fact, the Bible says, “a wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands a foolish one tears it down (Proverbs 14:1). However, the traditional “head” of the household has always been the husband/father.

With men leaving the family household far too often these days, it causes the woman to become the parental dominant, reshaping the upbringing of the children, especially the boys.

Author Paul Adams, in the book Fatherless Children proclaims, “Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely than those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.”

Dr. Keith Ablow called this gender confusion “psychological sterilization.”

This sterilization will have greater repercussions than simply raising girly-men. It opens the door for extreme, male-dominated societies such as Muslims to overtake us. Our impotence will no longer be a laughing matter or a childhood game.

Pink toenails on boys today. Wow. What’s next?

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