Dear Dave,

I just married a wonderful lady with two children. We’ve talked over our financial situation, and we’re determined to get out of debt within two years. This will mean some big changes in our teenager’s lifestyles. How can we break this to them gently?

Dan

Dear Dan,

Having your wife – who is also their mother – on board with the plan makes a big difference. I think all of you need to sit down and have a frank but loving discussion about the changes that are going to come with this marriage for everyone. The kids have to adjust to a stepdad being on the scene, just like you have to adjust to a marriage situation where teenagers are part of the package.

Let them know you don’t want to be the bad guy, but that you and mom have been looking at the money situation and things just don’t add up. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea if mom did a lot of the talking. Let her tell the kids that you’ve both decided it’s time to make the money behave, and this will mean some lifestyle changes.

Listen to reasonable input from them, and let them know their thoughts and feelings matter. But they also need to understand things are going to be different, and this part needs to come from mom. Otherwise, they’re likely to see you as the wicked stepdad!

— Dave

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The Investing Makes Her Nervous

Dear Dave,

My husband is into estate investment properties. He’ll buy a run-down house for very little money, fix it up and then rent it out. The debt we’re racking up makes me nervous. Each house has a loan, but he says it’s okay because we can sell them. Can you give me any advice?

Carol

Dear Carol,

I went broke years ago doing exactly what your husband is doing right now. I’ve known several others who went broke doing it, too. Lots of folks in real estate tend to believe that debt is okay so long as the property is worth more than the debt, but there are several down sides to that kind of thinking. At the end of the day, the borrower is always slave to the lender. And I’m afraid your husband may be on that path.

At best, this kind of thinking will make for lots of uncertainty. The worst case scenario has you guys ending up bankrupt, just like we did. My experience way back when is proof that things like this can quickly escalate out of control when you make debt one of your building blocks.

There’s nothing wrong with investing in real estate, but I recommend that he do it much more slowly – and with cash!

— Dave

* For more financial advice please visit daveramsey.com.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching. -Hebrews 10:25

I realize that I am probably going to take one for the team here but I believe having my family in God’s house consistently, to hear God’s word, to worship God, to fellowship, and be discipled is THE GREATEST INVESTMENT I MAKE IN MY FAMILY. Greater than family vacations, laying on the couch, or going on a Sunday picnic. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in these things, I practice these things, but in America I believe we have settled for some acceptable bad habits and ask that we rethink the value of church in our lives.

Three of a million reasons it’s important to make weekly worship a HABIT:

It’s supernatural.

When you consecrate (set apart for divine purpose) the first day of the week, it supernaturally empowers the other six days of your week. Some of us wonder why we can’t get anything accomplished during a week. Have you consecrated the first day?

I believe when we worship in God’s House it empowers our lives for greater purpose. God always ask for our “First”. Why? Because the first redeems the rest. When you worship on the first day of the week (Monday is not the first day of the week, check your calendar) it sets your week up for success.

It’s good for your family.

Here is a news alert! Statistics tell us that if you consistently miss your worship appointment in God’s House, your children won’t darken the doorway of a church as adults. Why? Because they don’t see any value in it! When you consistently miss church you are sending a signal to your family that God is not a top value for us! Send the signal to your family that God is at the top of the list and worshipping Him in His house is important to your family!

It’s pleases God and fulfills your life.

Please hear me, missing church is not the biggest thing in the world. What I am proposing is that consistently missing church is more than scheduling conflicts. Maybe it’s a reflection of your heart and some confusion about what things in your life are most valuable. God’s people should want to be in God’s House with God’s people!

Make it a habit to be in God’s house on a consistent basis. It will prove to be an investment that pays out for eternity!

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About the Author
Tim Simmons is lead pastor at Celebration Church in Fairhope, Alabama. Read Tim’s blog at www.timsimmonsblog.com.

Dear Dave,

What’s the best way to respond to a sibling who continually makes poor choices with money and often asks to borrow money? I don’t want to be heartless, but they’re out of control asking for money anytime they want. I’m currently on Baby Step 2 of your plan, and I’m six months away from being debt-free. Do you have any suggestions?

Jen

Dear Jen,

I think you should just tell them the truth. You’re trying to get out of debt, so you don’t have extra money sitting around. Let this sibling know that you’re working hard to change the way you handle your money. Let them know, too, that part of that is you’ve decided debt is dumb, so you don’t borrow or loan money anymore.

Make sure you do this with a kind spirit, Jen. You could even let them know you might consider giving them some money as a gift if you had any extra lying around and you knew they were in control financially. But you’re not really helping someone who’s incompetent with money when you give them cash or even loan them money.

You’ve got to look at the big picture in situations like this. You’re not helping someone if you participate in their misbehavior with them. Sometimes you have to love somebody enough to tell them the truth, and that can mean saying no and telling them to straighten up!

—Dave

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It’s Not Worth It!

Dear Dave,

I want to keep one of our credit cards open and use the bill-pay option for utilities and other monthly bills. I want to do this so we can continue earning rewards points, and the way I look at it, we’d just be re-routing the money and paying it off every month. My husband doesn’t like this idea and thinks we should get rid of them all. Am I just asking for trouble by wanting to keep the rewards card open?

Cheryl

Dear Cheryl,

Yes, you are. Life never works out exactly the way you think it will. You can make all the well-reasoned and best-intentioned plans you want, but sooner or later that snake is going to bite you.

The only thing I’d consider in a situation like this is a debit card that has a rewards system attached. Lots of debit card programs offer the same kinds of rewards programs offered by credit card companies, with one big exception—you don’t have to go into debt!

You need to stop chasing these stupid brownie points. According to Consumer Reports, 78 percent of credit card airline miles are never redeemed. Studies also show that people spend more when using credit cards as opposed to cash. That extra money you spent is money you could have been saving. So, where’s the reward? It’s a myth. It’s like trying to catch a unicorn.

Cut up the card and close the account, Cheryl. You don’t build wealth by using credit cards!

—Dave

* For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

Spiritual

To love and obey, God, teach integrity, value involvement in a church, grow in faith, learn and live by the Bible, develop a biblical worldview, be a disciple of Christ, serve others.

Relational

Times of fun and laughter, family bonding vacation times, recreation times together, ability to resolve conflict with family member, listening skills, how to treat the opposite sex, developing lasting friendships, investing in the lives of others.

Physical

Eat healthy foods, manage stress, exercise, financial integrity and stewardship, cleanliness and health issues, how to work hard, how to budget your financial resources.

Emotional

Build healthy friendships, find times of rest and replenishment, build confidence and a healthy self-image, build trust and unconditional love, develop character traits such as discipline, perseverance, courage, and purity.

Mental

Read good books, learn new skills, write and discuss ideas, discover how to think critically, become skilled at planning, learn decision-making skills.

These are good starting points for identifying what you want to teach your children. However, try hard not to overwhelm them or be overwhelmed yourself. Something is better than nothing, and those who don’t aim at anything won’t find their way.

The great philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, told a story about ducks that came from an imaginary country where only ducks live. One Sunday morning, all the mother and father ducks headed to church with their children waddling behind them. They entered the doors and sat in their duck pews, sang songs from their duck hymnals, and gave to underprivileged ducks at the offering time.

When the duck preacher got up to proclaim the message, he was very dynamic. He opened his duck Bible and screamed, “Ducks, you can fly! You have wings and you can fly like eagles.” The ducks all chanted, “We can fly, we can fly!” He asked, “Do you believe you can fly?” Again, they shouted back, “We can fly, we can fly.” He screamed again, “We can soar through the skies!” They all shouted, “Amen.”

With that the pastor closed his duck Bible and dismissed his congregation of ducks. Then they all waddled back home.

Your words are important, but they can only go so far. So much of the work of passing on a legacy of faith takes place when we model it ourselves and believe in our children. To do that, we must make sure that we as parents are working on the issues within our own lives. If we do not, the message to our children will be very similar to that of the duck pastor. After he told them they could fly, he needed to show them by spreading his own wings and soaring above the clouds.

Our children were meant to soar—and they can. It will take a plan, intentionality, and help from above. But I believe you can lead the way for your children and make a generation difference for lifetimes to come.

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By Jim Burns, Ph.D
In response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.

Printed by permission of HomeWord.  For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.

Dear Dave,

What do you think about online bill payments or automatic monthly deductions to pay for everyday bills?

Jay

Dear Jay,

I love them, and I have tons of them. I’ve got mutual funds that automatically tap my checking account, and all of my utilities are set up to be automatically zapped. This way, I never miss the early payment discounts, and I don’t have to worry about payments being late. It’s like automatic discipline!

But never, ever allow anyone you’re fighting with—like a collector if you’re trying to settle a disputed credit card account—to have automatic access to your account. They’ll clean you out! I don’t have a problem with paying for things like your electric bill, water, cable television or investments this way, though. It’s just a good, consistent way to take of business!

—Dave

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Do I need accidental death insurance?

Dear Dave,

My wife and I have accidental death and dismemberment insurance through our workplace. Do we also need level term life insurance policies?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You definitely need good level term life insurance policies. You do not need accidental death and dismemberment. Think about it, dude. You’re not more dead if you die by accident. Dead is dead! You need to make sure your family is taken care of in the best way possible, no matter how you die.

Don’t buy gimmick insurance. Stick with 15- to 20-year level term life insurance, and make sure you have coverage that’s separate from anything provided by your employer. You don’t want to suddenly lose your life insurance if you’re diagnosed with something awful like cancer and have to leave your place of work—and your life insurance—behind.

Each one of you needs about 10 times your yearly incomes wrapped up in your policies. That means if you make $40,000 a year, you need a $400,000 level term policy. The idea of life insurance is to take the place of income. If you died, then your wife could invest the $400,000, make 10 percent on that money over time, and replace your income.

Make sure you take care of your family. Term life insurance is very inexpensive. For next to nothing, you can ensure that your family will get a million bucks when you die.

—Dave

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Emergency fund is not an investment!

Dear Dave,

Is a balanced mutual fund a good place to put your emergency fund?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Absolutely not! You should never put your emergency fund into anything that can go down in value. Also, never put it into anything that will charge you a penalty for early withdrawal, like a CD. Or as I like to call it, a Certificate of Depression.

I recommend putting your emergency fund into a good money market account with check-writing privileges. Your emergency fund is not an investment. It’s insurance, and the money you have sitting in it has one purpose—to protect you, your family, and your stuff when Murphy comes knocking.

That’s one of the reasons an emergency fund is so important. If you don’t have one, and something unexpected happens, you’ll end up borrowing the money from the bank or cashing out your 401(k) to fix things. So don’t worry about investing this money. Just park it, and think of it as an insurance policy against all the junk life will throw at you!

—Dave

* For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

1. Communicate with your kids.

Sure, you don’t always want to talk and neither do your kids. Yet, you cannot have a solid, growing relationship (with anyone!) without communicating. Find a time when distractions can be held to a minimum and have a conversation with your teenager. Don’t just talk about what your interested in. Talk about anything and everything. Ask your kids about their interests, opinions and feelings. Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered yes or no. (Note: if you have not had a history of talking with your kids, getting started may seem a bit awkward to both you and your kids. Don’t let this get in your way. Share with your kids what you are trying to do (build stronger relationships / reconnect) and start slowly with reasonable expectations. Just keep at it!)

2. Listen.

Listening is the language of love. Through listening, you demonstrate that you value your kids. Many parents find it difficult to actively listen. Yet, when you take the time to really pay attention, show empathy and listen – you are taking a key step in reconnecting with your kids. When kids know that their fathers will really listen (instead of immediately “correcting”) they will be more willing to talk. As noted above, good communication results in stronger relationships.

3. Display affection.

Even though teenagers are in the process of becoming adults and separating from their parents, they still need the affection of their fathers. In fact, sexual promiscuity in teenage girls can often be traced back to a desire for (and lack of) affection from their fathers. Dads, be sure to offer your kids genuine affection through loving words, affirmation, encouragement, small gifts and appropriate touch.

4. Play.

Play is necessary for a close-knit family. There is nothing like play to bring about family togetherness and communication. Play builds family memories, reduces family stress and produces support and affirmation. Dads, understand that play doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking your child out to get an ice cream cone or throwing a Frisbee around in the yard.

5. Be there for your kids.

Fathers, one of the most valuable contributions you can make today in effort to reconnect with your kids is to simply “be there;” involved in their lives. Your presence is a powerful affirmation and sign of caring towards your kids. Your presence provides kids with a greater sense of security than almost any other quality parents can offer. Sometimes, this means being willing to make some tough choices; like choosing to be a your daughter’s volleyball match instead of being at another business meeting. But, the value of being involved in your kids’ lives is more valuable than a bigger paycheck.

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By Jim Burns, Ph.D
In response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.

Printed by permission of HomeWord.  For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.

Father, you cannot underestimate the power of the words that you speak over your children.

I remember the horrific moment when I witnessed a father make a derogatory remark concerning his child. I couldn’t believe it. I saw the embittered look on his child’s face. I am certain that he didn’t think about the repercussions that that comment would have on his child. The deep wound that penetrated her soul, the life long pain that it would cause.

As a father, your words can have the power of life and death. Solomon said, “A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.” Rather than spewing out insult a father should speak instruction.

Do not assume that your child knows what you know. Teach them the simple things in life. Show them the way to live. Instruct them on the duties that they should perform.

Balancing a checking account. Changing a tire. Knowing what to do in certain circumstances.

Your words reflect your interior motives:

• Cussing reveals your ignorance of a vocabulary.
• Cursing reveals a lack of understanding.
• Criticism reveals arrogance born out of insecurity.
• Cynicism reveals failure to persevere.

Your words affect the future of your children. Your words cultivate your relationship. Unspoken words of affection are not understood. If you do not tell your children what you believe in them, they will have a missing ingredient in their lasting success.

Your relationship with your children should be defined and understood by your words.

Dear Dave,

Our son is 21, and he’s embarking on a career as a professional soccer player. The beginning money isn’t huge. He’ll only be making about $30,000 a year, and we want to know how we can help him manage this money and not get caught up in the idea that he has to live a glamorous lifestyle.

Karen

Dear Karen,

The whole soccer thing is pretty cool, but you’re right about the money. “Glamorous” isn’t the word I’d use to describe a $30,000-a-year job, even for a 21-year-old. I think the biggest thing here is to make sure he develops some emotional maturity and uses basic, common-sense guidelines to help keep things in perspective. If he makes a habit right now of budgeting and living on less than he makes, he’s going to have a lot easier time later on if he starts raking in the big bucks.

The biggest problem with professional athletes is they think the ride is going to last forever. I always tell players that NFL really stands for “Not For Long.” The average pro football player’s career lasts 3.7 years. That’s not a long time, and the same is true in other sports, too. There just aren’t a lot of Brett Favres running around out there.

Help him prepare his heart for two things. First, that it will probably be a short run. Enjoy it, be smart, then prepare to move on to the next part of your life, and develop a different career track. The second thing is that even if he beats the odds and ends up making a ton of money, he’s got to view the money as a responsibility and a privilege. This is when the common sense and maturity really come into play. You can’t run out and buy a bunch of houses and cars and expect even big money to last for long.

This could be a very cool thing for your son. But it’s only going to be cool if it brings blessings to him and doesn’t ruin his life!

—Dave

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How much do I need?

Dear Dave,

Does a single person with no dependents need life insurance? If so, how much?

Shirley

Dear Shirley,

A single person with no dependents doesn’t need much life insurance at all. You’re just looking at enough to cover final expenses and maybe take care of any outstanding debts. In most cases, around $8,000 will cover funeral costs. You just don’t want to leave things behind that would end up being a burden to someone else.

Lots of times you’ll find there’s a small life insurance policy built into your healthcare coverage. Check that out, or get with your human resources department if you have insurance through an employer. The last thing you want is for mom or dad to have to write a check to the funeral home on the worst day of their lives.

But having no dependents is the key here. If you had a spouse or kids, they would need to be taken care of after you were gone. That would change the whole equation. In that case, I’d recommend you have eight to 10 times your annual income wrapped up in a good, level term life insurance policy!

—Dave

* For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

Dear Dave,

I’ve been playing the lottery a bit lately. I’m a Christian, and I was wondering what your views are on this. We’ve been struggling financially, and it seems that a chance to win millions is worth a buck or two. Your advice and opinion on this would be cherished.

Dawn

Dear Dawn,

You’re kidding. Do you really want my opinion? I don’t think you do, but here goes. I’ll tell you ahead of time—it’s not going to be pretty!

Basically, you’ve told me that you’re having money troubles and at the same time you’re throwing money out the window. You can tell yourself that it’s only a buck or two if you want, but that little bit of money represents a lot of financial irresponsibility in your life. You’re thinking somebody has to win, right? Well, let me tell you something. You’re more likely to be hit by lightning five times and survive than you are to win the lottery. Five times! How many people do you know who have been hit once by lightning and survived, much less five times?

You’re not going to win, Dawn. Think I’m just being negative? No, I’m not. I’m being positive. I’m positive you’re not going to win! Stop placing your hope in the wrong things.

Honestly, as a Christian, ask yourself if you believe God thinks this is a good use of your money. The lottery is a tax on poor people and people who can’t do math. How do I know this? Because these are the only people who play the lottery!

—Dave

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Responsibility Leads to Wealth

Dear Dave,

Why is it that some people have enough money for pizza, lottery tickets, cable television and cigarettes, but they don’t buy something as inexpensive as renter’s insurance, and then they expect someone else to bail them out when a fire destroys their home?

Keith

Dear Keith,

This kind of behavior falls into the Stupid Tax category. It’s an aggravating thing, but at the same time there’s something about fire that elicits sympathy from me. Even if there’s stupidity involved in what happened, it’s such an emotionally devastating event. But I think it’s important to talk about what you’ve brought up.

Let’s put it another way. Why are there people who get mad at others for building wealth, or expect other people to bail them out after they’ve behaved irresponsibly? Ninety percent of America’s millionaires are first-generation rich. They started with nothing, and instead of buying lottery tickets and smokes, they saved money and bought things like renter’s insurance. They kept things like car insurance and health insurance in place, so that if they totaled their car or had to have an operation, they could pay for it instead of filing bankruptcy!

In other words, they were responsible. They stayed out of debt because they were mature enough and responsible enough to delay pleasure, and then after years of living this way, they looked up and discovered they were millionaires. That’s how it happens. You delay bits and pieces of fleeting pleasure for a quality life in the future. Now, you don’t trade away all momentary pleasures. You don’t have to completely give up fun to win with money, but you trade impulsive, immature decisions and purchases for the reward of a better life later.

Most poor people delay none of the pleasures. They live only in the moment, and that’s why they stay poor. If they want a better washer and dryer, they’ll rent-to-own instead of saving up for a little while and buying a decent, used combo in the classifieds. I understand that bad things sometimes happen to good people, and you can end up broke that way, too. But I firmly believe that in most cases, it’s not that they don’t have the money, it’s more a case of they don’t have a vision for the future. They surrender a great life down the road for “Thank God it’s Friday. Oh God, it’s Monday!”

—Dave

* For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

1.  Look for opportunities to teach the precepts of God’s Word.

The Word of God is established precepts. A precept is an established order and command; it cannot be changed nor ignored.  For an example, a precept is Genesis 8:22 which says, “As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.” This is an established order for the earth. Contrary to the global warming theory, the earth must obey this precept.  The earth will maintain its seasonal balance.

Knowing this precept helps reassure your family and gives them confidence that God’s creation will endure.  This doesn’t excuse mankind from proper stewardship regarding the earth.  In fact, as a side note, the reason that the Israelites were captured and exiled into Babylon was to allow the land to recoup from misuse and disobedience of the Israelites.

2.  Interpret the universal principle of the precept.

A precept establishes a universal principle.  Knowing how to interpret the principle gives you wisdom for living.  Let me give you an example.  Deuteronomy says, “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.” This precept teaches us how to treat a working animal in our service.  Paul used this precept to apply the universal principle that ministers should draw their financial support from the work of the ministry.  He said, “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain,”and “The worker deserves his wages.”

Help your family understand how to look for the principle that the precept establishes.  By doing this, your child will be wise to the world.

3.  Put the principle into practice.

Once you learn God’s precepts and interpret the universal principle, now you can put it into practice.  An example for the principle stated above, King Saul put a heavy burden on his army during a campaign.  He instructed that no man was allowed to eat until evening.  Exhausted from the battle his own son, Jonathan scooped honey onto his staff and ate it.  The honey brightened his eyes.  When he was told about his father’s command, he said, “My father caused trouble for us today.” He said it would have been better if the army had eaten during the day.

As you study the Word of God, ask God to reveal this process to you so that you can teach and apply the Word to your family.