Influence

Want more influence in the office or workplace? Author Phil Cooke writes:

I meet too many people who feel ignored and dismissed at the office.  Their co-workers have stopped asking them for advice, they’re not being invited to key meetings, and management seems to overlook them.  Some people call it an “office doormat.”  Is that you?

Click here to read Phil’s full article.

Setting an example is not the main
means of influencing another,
it is the only means. -Albert Einstein

What If You Work For a Bad Boss?

It happens. No matter how hard you try, the fact may be that you simply work for a bad boss. But how is a Fivestarman to respond in such a situation?

Michael Hyatt offers the following five key points if you are in that situation.

• Manage your expectations.
• Evaluate the impact.
• Consider your options.
• Be assertive.
• Support him publicly.

Read Michael’s complete post and in-depth explanation of each point.

Be Happy

Of course that’s much easier said than done. Jon Gordon believes it may just be  a matter of focus. His suggestions?

• Focus on “Get to” instead of “Have to”
• Don’t Expect your Boss, Co-workers and Customers to Make you Happy
• Don’t Seek Happiness
• Focus on Excellence instead of Success
• Celebrate Together

Read Jon’s full article, Five Ways To Be Happier At Work here.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others,
you should put a good deal of thought into
the happiness that you are able to give.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

“Lucky for me, I ended up with a
boy whose favorite color is pink.
Toenail painting is way more fun in neon.”

Jenna Lyons’ byline for the recent J. Crew ad has stirred controversy—and rightly so—when a mother-son moment has mom painting the boy’s toenails pink. What could possibly be wrong with a laughing boy and an endearing moment with his mother?

The abandonment of authentic manhood is causing us to become increasingly a matriarchal society. Men are forfeiting their leadership roles in every place in society, but none is more evident than the role of fatherhood.

Women have always played a pivotal role in the household. In fact, the Bible says, “a wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands a foolish one tears it down (Proverbs 14:1). However, the traditional “head” of the household has always been the husband/father.

With men leaving the family household far too often these days, it causes the woman to become the parental dominant, reshaping the upbringing of the children, especially the boys.

Author Paul Adams, in the book Fatherless Children proclaims, “Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely than those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.”

Dr. Keith Ablow called this gender confusion “psychological sterilization.”

This sterilization will have greater repercussions than simply raising girly-men. It opens the door for extreme, male-dominated societies such as Muslims to overtake us. Our impotence will no longer be a laughing matter or a childhood game.

Pink toenails on boys today. Wow. What’s next?

Related Stories

• Fox News

Dear Dave,

I’ll be starting college next fall. Is it okay to take out student loans if you have no other income to live on while you’re in school?

Mandy

Dear Mandy,

Wait a second! What do you mean you don’t have any other source of income to live on while you’re in school? Didn’t anyone ever teach you about a little thing called work? I worked 40 to 60 hours a week all through college, and I still graduated in four years. Nowadays, many people would call that child abuse. It’s absurd!

Don’t try to box me into a corner with the ridiculous notion that you have to take out student loans to go to college. You do not! Did you know that only 57 percent of people who start college actually graduate? That means 43 percent don’t. And guess what they have? Student loan debt and no degree!

Here’s what I want you to do. First, apply for every college scholarship you can find. Next, get a job! You may even have to take a couple of part-time jobs, but so what? Once you’re there, live in the dorm and eat dorm food, too. It won’t kill you. And a state college, where you can get in-state tuition, is always a good idea. If there’s one close by you can save even more money by living at home.

Is a college education important? Sure, it is. It’s a great thing, and I recommend going to college. But is student loan debt a necessary part of getting a degree and achieving success in life? Absolutely not!

— Dave

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Dave’s Thoughts On Pre-nuptial Agreements

Dear Dave,

My fiancé is from a wealthy family. The other day, her father suggested a pre-nuptial agreement. I’m not sure what to think about this. What’s your opinion on pre-nups?

Jeremy

Dear Jeremy,

It sounds like her family values its money more than it values their relationship with you. That could be a problem. If your bride-to-be feels the same way, then you shouldn’t marry her. In most cases there’s just a really bad spirit that goes along with pre-nups. It’s basically planning your divorce in advance. And in most cases, what you set your eyes on is what you’ll end up getting. One of my daughters just got married, and I never even thought of suggesting a pre-nuptial agreement.

There may be one exception to this rule. If you’re fiancé was already wealthy on her own, I might change my answer. Extreme wealth has a tendency to attract a whole lot of weirdness and dishonesty. I’ve even gone so far as to tell my wife to get a pre-nup if I die and she marries again. This is different than just the potential to be wealthy, like your case.

You can still have a wonderful marriage, even if you don’t see eye-to-eye with her family on this. But both of you need to be on the same page and of one mind. That’s why I think it would be a really good idea for you guys to address this before the wedding with a heart-to-heart talk and some pre-marital counseling!

— Dave

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Bogus Real Estate Offers

Dear Dave,

I’ve been seeing a lot of hand-made signs along the road here in Dallas lately. They say “Seeking real estate investor apprentice –$20,000 a month.” It also has a phone number listed. Do you know what this is about? It sounds too good to be true.

Jerry

Dear Jerry,

Of course it’s too good to be true! If someone’s offering a legitimate job making $20,000 a month do you really think they’re going to post it on a hand-made sign next to the road? I think your advertising budget will involve a little more than poster board and a stick if there’s really $20,000 a month involved. Give me a break!

It sounds to me like they’re trying to sell a questionable real estate seminar. A lot of these things are marketed as “real estate boot camps.” The premise is that over the course of a weekend they’ll teach you to buy and sell foreclosure properties. Some of them charge anywhere from $3,000 to $8,000, with the promise that if you follow the “guru” and his advice, then the “guru” will help you by buying the house with you. They’ll furnish the capital! Of course, seldom if ever do they even buy any houses, and if they do it’s the best possible deal that you might not want to share, anyway.

Anything that sounds too good to be true is too good to be true. It’s not any harder than that. Beverly Sills had it right when she said, “There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going.” Becoming wealthy isn’t easy. It takes lots of hard work, sacrifice and the willingness to live on less than you make.

Even the Bible talks about this kind of thing. Proverbs 28:20 says, “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.” Remember that, Jerry!

— Dave

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Time To Grow Up!

Dear Dave,

My husband and I have been married for about a year, and in that time we’ve been blessed with several financial gifts from our parents. We keep having this recurring discussion on how to use the money when it’s given to us. I came into the marriage with some debt we’re trying to pay off, but he feels like we should use this gift money like found money and have some fun. What do you think?

Katie

Dear Katie,

Unless the giver has very specific thoughts on how they’d like you to use the money, then it’s really up to you guys. If the giver wanted you to use it for something specific, though, they probably should have said so or just bought you the item in the first place.

Other than that, I think it’s time someone grew up a little bit and realized it’s not a birthday party when this kind of thing happens. It’s simply money that has come into your household—like a paycheck you’d get on the job, in other words. You don’t go out and blow $100 or whatever on toys or other fun just because it was handed to you by mom and dad. That’s how a 10-year-old behaves.

If there’s something you need, and you agree on it together and choose to buy it as a couple, that’s cool. I’ve got no problem with that. But you guys are just starting out, and you’ve got debts to pay. I’m sure he’s a good guy, but it’s time for him to start acting like an adult about this stuff and work with you on getting your financial lives in order!

— Dave

* For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.

The marketing team of Flipped has asked us to invite you to their live video chat with director Rob Reiner and actress Madeline Carroll will be featured on a live video chat this Thursday, August 26 at 7pm ET on Facebook. RSVP on Facebook: bitly.com/flippedlivechat

Dear Dave,

When, if ever, should your baby emergency fund be more than $1,000? Is there ever a scenario in which it should be less?

Sue

Dear Sue,

I always recommend that people who make $20,000 a year or less start out with a baby emergency fund of $500. Almost anyone can scrimp and save up $500 in a short amount of time, and this makes it easier for folks who don’t make a lot of money to have a safety net in place.

Is there a scenario where the baby emergency fund should be more than $1,000? I guess if you were stuck in a situation where you had $200,000 in debt and made $60,000 a year, you might want to ratchet that amount up to $2,000 or $3,000. The reason? It’s going to take you several years to dig your way out, and that means you’re taking a chance on several years worth of emergencies!

If you’ve got a really unstable situation—like there’s a good chance you might lose your job—or an emergency already pending, you should delay starting the Baby Steps and pile up a bunch of cash. In a case like that, it just wouldn’t make sense to start a financial overhaul and be sitting there with only $1,000 in the bank. If there’s a nasty storm coming, you need to work, work, work to get ready, and make sure you’ve got the biggest umbrella you can get!

Then, after you get past the bad stuff, you can push “play” on your Total Money Makeover. That’s when you’d pull your savings back down to $1,000 and go into attack mode on your debt!

—Dave

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Unmarried Couples Combine Finances?

Dear Dave,

Do you advise unmarried, long-term couples to combine finances to follow your plan, or should they move forward financially on an individual basis?

Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I always answer questions like this based on what I would do in the same situation. I know the statistics on unmarried couples who live together, and the numbers show most of them don’t stay together. I’m not trying to be mean, but I want you to know the truth.

Combining your finances when you’re not married could be a disaster. Pretending you’re married, but trying to keep your finances and other areas of your lives separate doesn’t work, either. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I’ve met with an awful lot of couples in your situation. So, here’s my advice to you, Ashley. If you love this guy, and he loves you, then you need to get married. You may think that’s presumptuous, but you asked my opinion.

The idea that long-term, unmarried couples prosper financially and emotionally is pure mythology!

—Dave

* For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.

Derek continues his series on friends. When you and your brother (friend) have a disagreement, don’t take the grievance to someone else. Talk directly to your friend and you’ll be amazed how easily differences can be worked out.  Click here to view on YouTube.

Check out Derek’s Facebook page for more great videos.

Pleasant Valley Church in Altoona, Pa., has joined the FivestarMan Initiative.  Pastor Jim Balzanno has a remarkable story of how the men of his church have strategically taken over a drug infested, dilapidated neighborhood and caused it to be reborn as Hope Community.  This video highlights their efforts of being philanthropic and their desire to leave a legacy.

Derek Draughon encourages us not to abandon our friends, especially when things get tough. The Bible states that Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother, and in fact, most true friends do just that. True friends can be more precious, more trusting, even more reliable than a brother. Click here to view on YouTube.

Check out Derek’s Facebook page for more great videos.

The seed of disagreement starts with a murmur.

Murmuring is an argument that is not voiced properly. It is an under-the-breath complaint. A grunt. A murmur is difficult to answer because the complaint—however legitimate—fails to communicate.

A murmur unaddressed matures to become strife.

Strife is a force of resistance. It is still unspoken, but you can feel it. When you enter a room where strife is present, your spirit immediately picks it up, your emotions become anxious and you sense danger.

Strife takes on evil work.

Evil work is actions that lead to the plotting and scheming to get one’s own way. Evil work takes on vain imaginations and delusions.

The next level is manipulation.

Manipulation is a “desire for political office by unfair means.” It is the beginning process of usurping authority. It is referred to as Machiavellian, which is a political manifesto on how to maneuver politically.

Manipulation gives way to witchcraft.

Witchcraft is not an old wrinkled woman stirring concoctions in a cauldron. It is the use of words to invoke a curse rather than a blessing. Couples resort to witchcraft when speaking with familiarity, practicing put-downs, and critical remarks. Coarse jesting to damage a person’s respect is a form of witchcraft.

Witchcraft gives place to rebellion.

Rebellion is the level at which a person accepts the spirit of Lucifer. Rebellion is a filthy sin against protocol. It is dangerous. This is where people get hurt.

Rebellion matures to the final level of disagreement: division.

The dividing of one to become two. It is the antipathy of two becoming one. This is why God hates divorce.

The scheme of division is placed in action because the Nemesis of man fears the principle of agreement. He know that when two agree on earth, touching anything, it will be done. No force on earth can stop the power of agreement. Whether in marriage, in business, or in life, learn to practice the principle of agreement. You will be unstoppable.

In all the time you and your spouse spend together, your husband or wife will eventually do something that makes you angry.

He’ll invite friends over before discussing it with you. She’ll leave the cap off the toothpaste tube. He will disrespect you in front of your family or friends. Big or small, important or unimportant, anger-charged situations are going to come up. And since God created us to be able to feel anger, you’re going to get mad.

Anger can be like a fire welling up inside of you. You feel hot. The blood rushes to your head. You feel as if you’re about to catch on fire.

So what are you supposed to do when your husband or wife makes you mad?

Well remember back to when you were a kid. What were you taught to do if you catch on fire?

Stop, Drop and Roll.

And that’s what we do when anger starts to burn inside of us.

First of all STOP. Slow down, and analyze the situation.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20 NIV

If you want to do what the Word says and be slow to become angry, then you’ve got to take time to stop.

If you and your husband are out with friends and you’re telling a story. Then all of a sudden your spouse takes over. He interrupts you, and it becomes his story.

Stop. Ask yourself some questions.

Why am I mad? I don’t like being interrupted. It’s rude!

Who am I mad at? My husband.

Does he have any idea what he just did? Probably not.

Is getting my feelings hurt going to make the situation any better? Not at all.

Should I say something? Yes, but I’ll wait to mention it on the way home. By then I’ll have had some time to cool off, and I can explain that I don’t like to be interrupted.

That’s it. In the few seconds that it took to ask yourself some questions, you’ve avoided your night being ruined by anger.

You don’t have to give your husband the silent treatment all night so he knows that he made you mad. You don’t have to get into a fight on the drive home.

You took time to stop, and that helped you slow down your anger. Now you’re over it. Way to go!

Here’s another typical situation that comes up in marriage.

It’s almost time to put the kids to bed. You decide to chase them around the house and tickle them until they can’t stand it any longer. Your wife tells you to knock it off; the kids don’t need to get all wound up right before bed.

You don’t like that. You don’t like being told what to do. You’re just trying to have some fun with the kids. What’s so bad about that?

Before it goes too far, stop. Remember that your goal is to be slow to get angry.

Ask yourself some questions.

Why am I mad? I don’t think I was doing anything wrong. And I don’t like to be corrected!

Who am I mad at? My wife.

Was she trying to make me mad? No.

Does she have a point? Yeah, I can see how it might be harder for them to fall asleep after all that tickling.

Should I say something? Yeah, I should apologize and help the kids calm down.

Voilă! Your anger is gone. The problem is solved.

There’s something to this being slow to anger, or God wouldn’t have bothered mentioning it. So remember next time you feel anger welling up on the inside of you, just take a second to stop!

The next step is to DROP.

Once you settle on a solution move on and forgive the person who has offended you. It’s so important in marriage that we develop the skill of dropping.

To be able to move on and forgive your spouse is not only important to your marriage, but to your walk with God.

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings. Mark 11:25-26 Amplified

If you can’t forgive your spouse, then God can’t forgive you!

Forgiveness is that important to God! He says, “You do it, or I won’t.”

It’s very common in marriage to get into an argument and get angry with your spouse. Eventually you make up and forgive each other. But is that end of it? Or the next time you get into a fight, do you bring up what you supposedly forgave your spouse for last time?

If you bring it up again, have you truly forgiven? Have you really dropped it? Or are you holding a grudge?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

We have to get rid of bitterness and anger and all the things that come with them and forgive—not just with lip service—but truly, forgive from our hearts.

What if Jesus brought up the last sin you confessed every time you came to Him? What if He rubbed it in your face? Would you feel like He had really forgiven you?

The good news is that Jesus isn’t that way. He is faithful and just to forgive us. And He not only forgives, He forgets.

Think about that. Jesus forgets.

Do you think He has a memory eraser like in the movie Men In Black that wipes our sins out of His mind? No, it’s not so much that Jesus forgets our sin, but He chooses not to remember it.

Let Jesus be your example and forgive your spouse when he or she makes you angry. Choose not to remember it.

Just drop it!

And the last step is ROLL.

See if you can turn the situation around for good. You can use the things that anger you or frustrate you as motivation.

A big part of what frustrates Trudi and me is the state of the American family. What I see on television bothers me. The way people are raising their kids bothers me. It bothers me that people think that they can just go to church once and week and let the world take over the rest of the time.

I want to see fathers leading families who love God. I want to see mothers who know the Word of God and are instructing and bringing up their kids to really know and love Jesus.

It makes me mad to see what the devil is doing to families today. Some of our frustrations about the state of families gave us the idea for Relative.

Maybe what’s frustrating you is really a God-given anger because God wants you to do something about it.

Think about this: If Millard Fuller hadn’t gotten angry about housing for the poor, Habitat for Humanity wouldn’t have been started, and thousands of poor people would not have homes of their own. If Martin Luther King, Jr. hadn’t gotten angry about racial injustice, the Civil Rights movement would not have progressed as it did. If the Apostle Paul hadn’t gotten angry, we would be missing a huge piece of the wisdom of the New Testament.

Under the right circumstances anger can be a catalyst for good. Anger, like a good horse, must be bridled.

If God hadn’t dealt constructively with His anger about sin, He would have destroyed the world. Instead He sent Jesus to die on the Cross and restore our relationship with Him.

Pray that God will help you to gain control of your anger so that you can use it for His honor. You do not have to make that change in your own strength, because as you prayerfully seek to follow the guidance of the Bible, the Spirit of God will enable you to do it. Let Him show you how to deal with your anger and frustration to bring Him glory in all that you do.