Give Her More Than Chocolate

Give Her More Than Chocolate
February 9, 2010 Neil Kennedy

Solomon said, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Hope is a confident belief that a desire or promise will be achieved within a specific time period.

I believe we can trace a lot of the problems in marriages to this one principle. A husband who does not deliver on his promises is like a cloud without rain on a dry and dusty day. All show and no go, so to speak. When a wife has expectations that go unmet, she becomes disappointed. Disappointment brings on resentment. Resentment brings hopelessness. Hopelessness brings on sickness.

With my commentary, Dr. Gary Smalley, family counsellor, president of Smalley Relationship Center states that the four greatest needs of a woman are:

Emotional and Physical Security

The husband has spiritual authority to umbrella his wife with protection. An authentic man will lay down his life for the sake of his wife. He also has the responsibility to provide emotional support. How? Through the next most felt need in her life.

The Need for Regular Meaningful Communication

Men relate shoulder to shoulder facing challenges, women relate face to face sharing feelings. A woman needs eye contact and verbal support. When she receives this attention it speaks deep into her, cultivating her emotional security. The husband’s words are seeds sown into her for incubation. What you sow is what you will reap. Which leads to the next need in her life.

Non-sexual Touch

According to one study, there are 64 physiological benefits to the human touch. In other words, when you “lay hands upon” your wife, her body receives a chemical boost from your touch. There is more to the touch than the physical. It can have a spiritual healing effect upon her as well. This also shows why a man should never raise his hand against his wife – he robs her of his healing touch. What is meant to be a blessing becomes a curse.


As a husband, when you provide the first three needs of a woman, you won’t have any trouble with the last need, which is romance. I cannot understand why men don’t realize that it took courting to get their wife and it will take courting to keep her.

The second half of the principle is the promise, “a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” The fruit that is produced by fulfilling a wife’s needs is life itself. Your marriage will die if you neglect it. It will last as you nurture and cultivate it.

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