by Neil Kennedy
When societies lose the directional parameters of purpose, they cast off all restraint. The 1960s sexual revolution ushered in a degrading of America’s young people. Now, the first generation of men who grew up with unlimited access to pornography are suffering unexpected collateral damage—porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).
Put aside the spiritual and moral argument for a moment and simply look at the psychological and emotional effects. Young men are reporting an incredible disconnect with the women they are physically intimate with. Rather than truly experiencing the moment with her, they admit to fantasizing about porn while they’re personally with a young woman. They’re mixing their virtual reality with reality. The result of such mental and emotional compounding is delusion.
The Max Planck Institute found actual evidence that pornography greatly impacts the brain. The more pornography men consumed, the smaller the brain striatum, which is the reward center of the brain.
Professor and author of Your Brain on Porn, Gary Wilson argues, “The result in some Internet porn users is higher brain activation to internet porn, and less arousal to sex with a real person.”
The evidence is clear. The more exposure to your eyes the less reaction in your flesh.
Job said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” (Job 31:1) Your relationship with your wife will never flourish if your eyes are not fixed upon her.
With unrestrained access to pornography, and semi-pornographic images blasted at us daily, how can a man keep himself pure? What’s the answer? Do we put the burden on women? Cover them head to toe in black sheets? Vail their eyes?
A FivestarMan is gallant in his relationships with women. He treats an older woman as his own mother, peers as his own sister, and a younger woman, as his own daughter.
Solomon, a man who knew women far better than most, gives us powerful principles for keeping one’s self pure:
- Pay attention to wisdom (Proverbs 7:1-5).
Wisdom is like a sister that gives you insider information about women. She says, “Listen, I’ll protect you from an affair with an immoral woman and her deceptive flattery.”
- Keep your distance from seductive women (Proverbs 7:6-8).
Sin requires proximity. Create boundaries.
- Don’t give an ear to seductive words (Proverbs 7:5)
Don’t allow a woman to whisper in your ear.
- Go home after work (Proverbs 7:9).
Men make bad decisions when they don’t have direction.
- Bounce your eyes from the brazen look (Proverbs 7:13).
Follow the example of Job. Make a covenant, a spiritual promise, with your eyes to not look lustfully. We’ve all seen the guy who looks googly-eyed at a woman. Imagine if you saw a man looking that way at your wife or daughter. Don’t be that guy!
- Know the difference between lust and love (Proverbs 7:23).
Lust is manic, obsessive, and uncontrolled desire to take something or someone. Lust takes while love gives. God is love—God is Holy; therefore, love must be holy. Contrary to popular culture, love is confined to righteousness established by God.
- Honor another man’s wife (Proverbs 7:19).
We should practice a man-code. Job recognized that looking upon a woman lustfully opened the door for his wife to serve another man (Job 31:10).
- Don’t be persuaded (Proverbs 7:21).
Seduction comes from flattery. Flattery is a type of witchcraft. It’s a manipulation by deception.
- Understand that impurity is a trap (Proverbs 7:22).
Men often say, “I’m a grown man, I am free to do what I want.” In reality, sexual sin is addictive and is a trap that enslaves men.
- Remember that the immoral woman will embarrass you (Proverbs 7:26).
You will be victimized. You’re better than sexual sin. Your purpose is greater than fantasies.
- Consider that the immoral woman will escort you to your death (Proverbs 7:27).
There’s nothing to gain in your life in the secret chambers of porn.
A man who stays within the parameters of his purpose doesn’t have time for trivial pursuits. Take the energy and time that pornography demands and invest it into a real relationship and fulfill your purposes as an authentic man.
Keeping yourself pure is not easy, but the rewards of doing so are immeasurable. The sexual relationship with your wife will become a celebration of your lives together. Your physical connection will be more enjoyable. Your emotional connection will be passionate. Your spiritual communion will be ecstatic.