7 Meaningful Touches Every Husband Should Use To Reach For His Wife

7 Meaningful Touches Every Husband Should Use To Reach For His Wife
February 13, 2014 Neil Kennedy


by Neil Kennedy

I recently called to check on my father who wasn’t feeling well. After talking for a few minutes, I asked about his wife (not my mother). They’ve enjoyed a wonderful relationship for 45 years of marriage. He said, “She is doing well, sitting here holding my hand.”

I must admit, I thought of that as a Hallmark moment — a seasoned couple sitting in their cabin on a mountain in Arkansas still in love and holding hands.

The human touch has amazingly powerful benefits to both parties — physically, emotionally, physiologically, and even spiritually. Studies have revealed innumerable benefits. Unfortunately some men have allowed their hands to withdraw from reaching for their wives.

Here are 7 Meaningful Touches Every Husband Should Use To Reach For His Wife

1. Reach for your wife first thing in the morning. It may be a gentle pat as you’re getting out of bed or a hug when you first see each other, but reach for her before you get busy about the day.

2. Throughout the day a text or quick phone call is a great touch of affection that will go a long way in letting her know  she is on your mind. A simple, “I love you.” or, “Just thinking about you and looking forward to the evening.”

3. Write a note the old fashioned way. We’re so tech-savvy these days that sometimes an old fashioned approach is more meaningful.

4. Whether your wife loves flowers, chocolate, or shoes,  sending these on “regular” days rather than typical celebration days will be a huge touch.

5. Save some energy so you can give your wife special attention when you return home. Embrace her warmly and greet her when you first enter the home.

6. Hold her hand at random times  — driving, walking, or just sitting at home.

7. Give her a back rub.

Bonus Touch

I want to add one more to the list that is a real standout and will take your relationship to another dimension.

8. Lay your hand upon her and speak a blessing over her and her dreams while praying in agreement with her. This may take you out of your comfort zone, but I promise you this will be a game changer in your spiritual walk and leadership with your wife and family.

Reach out and touch your wife. The benefits are immeasurable.


  1. scott soliz 9 years ago

    Good stuff Neil, need more men to be a true father, husband, A MAN!

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Thanks Scott!

      • heather 9 years ago

        What is praying in agreement

        • Author
          Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

          Heather, praying in agreement is when two people are in harmony of a shared desire to be met by God. The Bible speaks of it as one of the most powerful forces upon earth. “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.” – Matthew 18:19

          • Steven Latham 9 years ago

            AMEN. Great explanation. I needed to read that. You have blessed day. Thank you. God Bless.

  2. John Mason 9 years ago

    Absolutely Great! Gonna try and do them all…especially #8.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      John, thank you very much – you’re one of my favorite authors. I appreciate you.

  3. Aubrey Cochran 9 years ago

    After 28 years of marriage we hold hands at every opportunity, especially when we pray.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      That’s awesome, Aubrey – that’s one of the keys to a lifetime of connection.

  4. Mo Seneca 9 years ago

    Thanks for the reminders friend!

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Thank you, Mo – thanks for being a voice of authentic manhood.

  5. Eduardo Arredondo 9 years ago

    Very nice

  6. John 9 years ago

    Listened to Neil at church Sunday, he sounded great. I do wonder however how close he is to the real world situation that many men come home to, such as wives that were abused as children. I have never read any marriage counseling books that fit these situations, and I’m pretty sure its a significant percentage of the population. All that “attention giving, hand holding” stuff is not appreciated or accepted at all, period! Even after many years of counseling, and “healing” there are many women that dispise this stuff. I hope the men that have a wives that appreciate these things are thankful everyday for what they have, as it is very fuatrating and discouraging when its not there

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      John, first of all, I really enjoyed being in Grand Rapids – what a great church! Secondly, let me just say, yes – I am very much in the “real” world – in fact, that’s my primary motivation with FivestarMan. I want to help men rise up to authentic manhood – draw upon the five purposes – cultivate their wives – leave a legacy for their children. Let me also say this – I am very sorry for your situation. In fact, if you will read FivestarMan – The Five Passions of Authentic Manhood – you will discover a story that could be a remarkable similarity to your story (prelude to Gallant). As I mentioned in my sermon, I wasn’t raised in a Christian home – far from it – I very well know what you and your wife are facing. I don’t have “quick fix” psychology – but I do know that the grace of God is sufficient and can become a real help in your need. Thanks for your comment and I hope that we can help you see victory in your marriage.

    • Tim D. 8 years ago

      John, I had a very hard and rocky start to my 2nd marriage, and even though we met in church and not a bar as with the 1st, we both came from seriously dysfunctional families although my mother was a Christian and had her childrens best interests at heart she did what she had to do and though she never got a divorce, she didn’t want our fathers bad influence and temper to harm us, so she made him leave. My wife never knew her father either, so neither one of us had the role model of a real father. Therefore; the only role model I had growing up was the pastor and my uncles. She had nothing, and as a result is very much like whom you describe. The only and best advice I can give you after 25 years, an adult son and a 3 year old adopted son is this. #1 and most impotantly is to put your trust in that God ordained and created the institution of Marriage and therefore He wants it to be “Good” and last, just as everything He has created. Meaning He will do what is needed and be there to help you succeed. But just as with other requests it might not be just as you want. Take great stock in the scripture “Let no man (or anything) put it asunder” Even when you are angry with each other do not let the “D” word enter your home. Agree that niether of you will ever use it. 2nd, I had to swallow my pride and “go” find as much help as I could for me, even if she will not participate. Learn to apologize even when you do not feel you are at fault in order to keep things from escalating. Concentrate on the things that do work for you both, and remember the things that brought you to gether in the first place. And keep trusting God for your marriage. I could say a lot more, but no space. Hope this helps, pray for your marriage and for your wife.

  7. nita randall 9 years ago

    I’m so happy to say that my wonderful husband does all of these things for me. I’m very blessed to have him!

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Nita, great to hear a wife compliment her husband. You’re blessed.

  8. Marco Luna 9 years ago

    Neil, do you have fivestarman in Spanish?

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      It is in the process of being printed – hopefully, soon.

  9. Debbie Raneh 9 years ago

    I too have a husband who does the meaningful touches. 34 years of marriage and I still get gitty when I see him. There is nothing better than being in his arms, total security! Just to have him reach for my hand means the world. Oh not to mention the back rub even when I didn’t ask for one! I am truly blessed!

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      That’s awesome to hear.

  10. Missy 9 years ago

    Wish someone could convince my husband to do these.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Maybe you could share this article or even reach for him in the same manner.

  11. Kristina Jewett 9 years ago

    I just wanted to say that this is wonderful advice. I am so fortunate that my husband is very good at doing these things! Our marriage has had many “rocky” moments over our 23 years. Marriage is hard work, but it is so worth it. The rewards FAR outweigh the heartaches. We have found that some of our most “rocky” moments have been when we both had stopped putting each other first. I praise God daily for bringing this amazing man into my life and I truly love praying with him and holding hands with him during those prayers. I am a woman who was a child of sexual abuse. And my husband has known about my past pains from the beginning. He has been such a blessing of understanding and love and patience. I am fortunate to have found a man who was raised by a “queen”! You see he was raised in foster care and was around other children who had “troubles”. His foster mom taught him understanding. She also was a caretaker for the developmentally disabled adults until the day she died. She was quite literally at work when an aneurism took her home to be with our Lord. She was in her 70s. So you see, God put her on this earth to do His will and to shape the life of the man who would one day become my husband and the father of our two beautiful children! Thank you Maria Jones, I love you and miss you every day! I wanted to share my brief story after reading what the gentleman above had written about his wife and their struggles. Please keep your faith and dont quit on her! She just might appreciate more than you know, but because of the severity of her scars she is unable to show it to you. Thank you Neil! I look forward to reading more from you.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Thank you Kristina. You are blessed.

  12. Candase 9 years ago

    I also am very fortunate to have a husband who does these things. We have been married almost a year and have a beautiful blended family. Thank you for sharing this and I have shared it as well on my facebook page so that others can read.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      Thanks for sharing Candase.

  13. Johny Kallan 9 years ago

    We are from Kerala state in south India where our culture and tradition is not encouraging expressing love through overt physical contacts. We are married for 27 years and is in mid fiftees with a 14 year adopted boy. Myself, the husband, was a professional Social Worker with World Vision and my wife a Nurse in Gulf. At present we are leading a voluntary retirement life with freeland spiritual and humanitarian activities separately.

    During the early years the physical intimacy was there but due to psychological reasons it decreased day by day. At present we are sleeping separately in different rooms of the same house. She is very possessive and try to dictate things even to the extent of not allowing the teenager son to do things independently. She is more mother than wife to me and tries to control the management of the family as per her dreams and aspirations.

    Her father was a failure as a drunkard and financially brocken man. May be she is trying not to happen that in our family but it irritates me like anything. This gradually ended up in the living together under the same but physically divorced. I request your advice and prayer.

    • Author
      Neil Kennedy 9 years ago

      It is the responsibility of the husband to lead the family and set the tone for the home. Even if it is counter cultural. Physical intimacy and proper affection is vital for a marriage. The Apostle Paul even advised that a person who is preparing for fasting and prayer to have agreement with their spouse before their religious exercise. Then he said that they should come back together (intimacy) soon so that Satan would not have an opening to tempt them. I trust you will receive strength and advise from God to restore the proper relationship in your marriage.

  14. Gene 8 years ago

    Well I do have to say I really enjoyed this article, I’m 24 and my future wife (which we will be marrying the 24th) loves it when I grab her hand while driving or when she wakes up she has a good morning text and so on. I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there and I will be telling friends about fivestarman.com . Just remember the small things in life mean the most like having her favorite ice cream for her while getting ready to watch a movie. Always she has a smile in her face, got to love the big smile! Thank you Neil!!

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